proud

I never made my dad proud, I can see it on his face. The disappointment of creating a life. A life that did not mean anything to him, but a way to call himself "dad"

But I knew how to play pretend from a young age. I observed other girls, they were all playing pretend too.  They all dedicated themselves to this play so much that I couldn't tell that this was all a play. I noticed things in me, I couldn't really smile. It hurt my cheeks when I tried to. A smile is what makes a person human. I wasn't quite a human or an alien. I wanted so much to be nice even though people weren't nice. Maybe that's why I'm like this

An alien trying to look human with makeup and clothes. I feel naked with makeup and clothes, like everyone could see who am I! I don't even want to wear clothes, I want everyone to see what and who I am. My ugly body with lots of marks with dots, that is what makes a person alien to me, that something happened before !THAT THING! changed everything. How can I tell you this... I met someone which I loved from the beginning, I hurt him even though I loved him. He's like the human I never seen, he might not even be one if you ask me. He seems like a unearthly being but in a nice way. He's such an angel to me and that's why it hurts to hurt him. I always wanted to catch a butterfly and I did

I did and I killed the butterfly with my disgusting spider web. I ate him until he was no longer there. I know that he is not there anymore, I made a puppet out of him, which he didn't know. A puppet with the piercing looks of pain and the scars from the nights that I lost my mind. I want him to be happy again, that's all I ever want. It depends on me, I have to be happy to make him happy. I have a strange belief that I will, one day, see him the way he was at the beginning. That I will see him without the scars that I gave to him. I was such a selfish girl before, I have to make a change. I will.