BREAKING: local teenager discovers new fictional character.
productivity expected to drop by 73%.
rudo is my baby i love him so much. he looks like a wet cat 70% of the time. gotta protect him from the world fr update: authorities confirm he is in fact NOT okay at any point in the narrative. emotional stability remains at 0%.
sources say he has been seen:
- standing in the rain like it personally owes him money- getting thrown into life-threatening situations with zero preparation
- still somehow continuing anyway (??? resilience or self-destructive habits, unclear)
breaking further news: fans report immediate attachment symptoms including “this is my son” syndrome and uncontrollable urge to give him soup, a blanket, and a legally binding safety contract.
medical experts warn prolonged exposure to rudo may result in:
- adopting him mentally- yelling at fictional people for being irresponsible
- staring at images for too long like they will answer you back
- severe emotional whiplash
local witnesses describe him as:
“a wet cat with anger issues and abandonment trauma”
“looks like he hasn’t slept since the industrial revolution”
“why is he like that :(”
authorities are still investigating how a single fictional teenager managed to ruin everyone’s peace just by existing. updates to follow.
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