stella

there's this itching sensation, in the back of my head, between my brain and my skull. 

though i can't see it, i know exactly what it is from the last time i tugged it to the front of my mind. 

its love, but not the good kind. its the kind of love that i can never have. well... i didn't inspect the itch for long enough, not before shoving it back down under the skin of my nape, so im not actually sure if its something i can't have. maybe she does want me back, but even then, it won't be the love i have. 

the love i have is all-consuming of my character. 

its animalistic, terrible, like im drowning. its the best thing ive ever had, but its the worst, too. 

who knows how many girls are at her new school, who also love her like this? the thought itself makes me furious. 

but beneath the red clouding my vision, there is fear. horrible, frantic fear that makes me want to tear my own eyes out. to pop them like grapes, to treasure the gray marbled liquid in my hands like liquid gold and pour it into her mouth. 

to give her all that i am. 

i would do that again and again if it would make her happy. one flicker of desire in her eyes when she swallows my own would cause me to do the same with every organ in my body until i am a flat carpet of skin for her to walk on.