THE 26 LETTERS OF THE ALPHABET, RANKED

the alphabet!! really something, huh? we use it everyday and yet i feel like many don't acknowledge the individual importance of each of its team players. each one does something different (except for a few of 'em, but we'll get to that when we get to that), and as a result, i like some better than others. (yes, this is my opinion only.) i'll be going WORST TO BEST, but i don't actually dislike any letters and reasons given will often be pretty silly. so here we go!

26. Q -- you'll see in a bit that i do tend to like rarer letters and it doesn't get that much more uncommon than Q. the issue i have with it is that it needs a U to come after it in pretty much ANY word it's in (and the ones that don't follow this rule are indispensable in scrabble). that type of dependency just isn't what a letter should have. if you ask me, most of the time, "QU" seems like the real letter...

25. O -- the shape is boring and round, i swear this thing makes a million different sounds, and i never did like spaghetti-os.

24. S -- "ohh look at me! i can be tacked on the end of most words! and i start the most words too!" like shut up. you look like a snake. go crawl back into the grass.

23. E -- you know you got a bit too much going for you as a linguistic symbol if avoiding it in writing is a daring stunt.

22. T -- a lot of these down here are gonna be common consonants i don't have a whole lot to say about. T is one such case. it does get bonus points for being the name of a subway system and pills that make you a boy /silly

21. L -- this one's only higher than T because you can do crazy shit with ur tongue while pronouncing its name

20. C -- not sure how i feel about this one. it steals the sounds of 2 letters (S and K) and even buddies up with H to make a new sound. but we could have just replaced Q with a letter that makes the "ch" sound...regardless, it's not terrible. perfectly cromulent letter.

19. R -- a pirate's favorite!! surely not a bri'ish man's favorite when you ask him to say "bottle of water"

18. N -- the last of the one-point boring scrabble consonants, N receives bonus points for being the best murder drone. :P

17. A -- seems like it's cocky and full of itself, and yet, there's no better way to start the alphabet.

16. G -- satisfying sound you gotta put your throat into, which gives it a nice punch. i bet this one tastes like artificial grape popsicles.

15. H -- its sound isn't much (hell, it's even silent in a good few languages), but seeing it together in so many consonant duos makes it the perfect candidate for alphabet yaoi/yuri crackfics.

14. P -- haha you said pee...also you need a special filter on ur microphone JUST for this letter...

13. M -- it's already halfway in the alphabet. if it ain't broke, don't fix it! now we're moving up to the REAL good stuff :D

12. I -- what a polite little guy, standing up nice and straight. also introduces themselves to you

11. F -- i'm gonna say it...f-bomb incoming...FUCHSIA!!!

10. B -- i used to dislike B, if u can believe it (can you receive it? /ref), but then i noticed its nice curves and bouncy sound. can't hate a portfolio like that!

9. U -- this letter is cool because you can erase your mistakes by adding "un-" to a verb, or be evil by adding it to an adjective. just don't do it to "alive." "ZOMG I'M GONNA GET DEMONETIZED!!!" ugh.

8. D -- the most metal of the consonants. "DECAY. DERANGED. DECREPIT. And...um...DELOUSE." (/ref)

7. Y -- double shifts as a consonant AND vowel? this bad bitch is getting WORK DONE. slayyyyyyy!

6. K -- C wishes it kould be K. why do you think a kommon marketing trend is to replace C's with K's? that's not the last letter we'll see that does this, tho... >:3

5. W -- double your pleasure and double your fun! but triple the syllables of any other letter name! the alphabet's weirdo :>

4. V -- this letter is evil. it's vile, venomous, virulent, villainous...and 5. also 5.

3. J -- jumpin' jehosephat!! this one's a lot of fun. the joker of the alphabet, just without jack nicholson

2. Z -- Z iz zo cloze to zee top zpot but getz beat out by one more. ztill, thiz letter feelz like S's twin brother, all crooked and zigzagged. zuper zatizfying to zay, and who doezn't love a good zombie??

1. -- X!!! it's X!! XD!! the coolest letter of them alllllll! it's among the least used, doesn't start too many words so it's a treat when it does, and looks great as a pattern or symbol and you can use it to name any brand to become instantly cooler! (NO, WE ARE NOT LETTING ELON RUIN THIS LETTER FOR US!!) *xylophone solo*

there you go, all 26 letters ranked, and golly, do my fingies hurt after typing all this. what do u think of my list? lemme know! i'll be back soon-ish with more irreverent shenanigans! peace out, earthlings!!