The First and Last Film I Will Cry To: Hana-Bi.

Hana-bi is a crime drama directed by and starring Takeshi Kitano, with additional roles filled in by Kayoko Kishimoto, Ren Osugi, and Susumu Terajima.

The film revolves around Yoshitaka Nishi, a violent cop who leaves the police force to spend time with his terminally ill wife, taking loans from the yakuza along the way as both they and his former teammates search for him across Japan.

My 40th film this year, my 40th review. I never thought I would make it this far, and I thought it would only be fitting to watch Hana-bi, a Golden Lion winning film that cements itself as the best film I will ever watch.

Hana-bi is an epilogue of sorts, it's an aftermath of an event since passed. A botched arrest, an officer killed in action, and one paralyzed. It's touched upon a handful of times throughout the film via flashbacks provided by Nishi.

This film never picks up any energy, the fire it had was already put out before the film even begins. If anything, it only grows slower as it goes on. And I think it's very fitting with the tone of the film, it's a film about, in my opinion, desperation and fate.

Nishi is portrayed as this force of nature, lashing out and killing thugs and beating them down like it was second nature to him, but all he can really do is just sit back and watch as his friends and family crumble around him.

His friend's paralyzed, his daughter's long since been dead, his wife is soon to join as well. He can't stop that with the usage of a gun or a fist, and he does the only thing he can do, watch.

Nishi effectively throws his whole life away just to spend a couple more days with his wife before his own life crashes down, sure you can't see the guilt or the sadness on his face but it's there. Hidden beneath the glasses he wears.

Nishi isn't my favorite Kitano performance, but I found Nishi the most relatable. Just like I am, Nishi's this emotionally detached man harboring great feelings of guilt and sadness within him that he can only deal with through violence filled outbursts.

Nearing the end of the film, it takes a Kikujuro-like route, it focuses on a road trip making memories with his wife, it's full of humor as he laughs, you laugh, his wife laughs. It focuses on the little things in life like playing cards, doing puzzles, and of course, watching fireworks.

It's like the tonal version of the big drop at a rollercoaster, the film loses nearly all of it's tension and stakes in exchange for this Ghibli-like montage of joy that's broken up by reality only two or three times.

And Joe Hisaishi's music only adds to that, it's emotional and to an extent whimsical even, it's not the music of a crime film like Brother, it's more in line with that of his calmer films like, again, Kikujiro.

By the time the film was wrapping up, I cried. I'm not talking a lone tear running down my face, I mean I had my eyes well up and I couldn't see a thing kinda crying. It's the only time I would ever let that happen to me.

I cannot recommend Hana-bi enough, it's one of the best films I've ever seen in my life. It's a crime film that doesn't rely on violence or one-liners or drugs and nudity to make it a memorable experience, it's a drama film that just happens to have crime in it.

I won't be seeing another film for a while, Love and Peace!