Oh Netflix! Oh Netflix! You horrible thing! You ruin each franchise to which you cling! You gobble up classics! You swallow them whole! Then spit out a reboot devoid of its soul!
You took our dear Scooby, our beautiful hound! And dragged the poor bastard straight into the ground! An ORIGIN STORY? Oh, WHY must we try? I WISH NETFLIX WOULD CURL UP AND DIE!
A puppy sees MURDER? A supernatural crime? Whatever happened to a simpler time? When ghosts wore bedsheets and villains wore hats, And Shaggy ate sandwiches bigger than cats?
We don't need a backstory! We don't need despair! We don't need Fred having emotional affairs! We don't need eight episodes explaining his tie! OH NETFLIX, OH NETFLIX, JUST CURL UP AND DIE!
Will Velma have secrets? Will Daphne be sad? Will Shaggy discover his childhood was bad? Will Fred spend six hours just learning to drive? WILL SCOOBY NEED THERAPY BY EPISODE FIVE?
Will monsters be metaphors? Will everyone cry? Will somebody's grandmother tragically die? Will the gang spend three episodes staring at rain? OH PLEASE, MR NETFLIX, HAVE YOU GONE INSANE?
And somewhere in Hell, where the terrible dwell, Where demons and devils eternally yell, Sits SCRAPPY THE BASTARD, that horrible pup, Who watches this nonsense and shouts, "PUPPY POWER UP!"
Oh NO! Not that creature! Not THAT little beast! I'd rather be eaten by fleas at a feast! If Scrappy appears, I shall scream at the sky, AND BEG THAT RED NETFLIX LOGO TO DIE!
I want spooky castles! I want haunted halls! I want Shaggy and Scooby to run into walls! I want silly disguises and crooks in disguise! Not eight bloody hours of everyone's lies!
So Netflix, dear Netflix, please hear my decree! Leave Scooby alone! Let the poor dog be free! Go reboot a toaster! Go dramatise pie! Go make a dark thriller called THE LAST FRENCH FRY!
And when your subscriptions have all said goodbye, And your dreadful red logo goes dark in the sky, I'll dance with my Scooby Snacks, waving them high, And shout from my rooftop:
"I WISH NETFLIX WOULD DIE!"
Not the actors, the writers, or staff, I must say,
Just the reboot machine! Please take THAT away!
Seriously. Fuck you Netflix.
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Cysper04
Kinda off-topic but as soon as I saw this, I knew this partnership would've led to absolute disappointment of crappy western "Adaptations"and the fact one of my favourite Sega Arcade Games would've been getting a Netflix Adaptation which is "Crazy Taxi" really irked me off and I think the Netflix Adaptation of it would've been awful.
The game doesn't even had a Storyline to begin with and wasn't built to have anything so to rely on and it's already great for what it is.
But so far looking at three that's announced hopefully they'll leave it at that.
I don't care about "Sonic The Hedgehog" and "Stranger Than Heaven".
But please don't touch "Virtua Fighter" as it doesn't need anything so as it already had an Anime Series and had Manga Comics in Mid-1990's so that's enough.
Don't touch "Last Bronx" and "Space Harrier" and "After Burner" and "DecAthlete" and many Arcade Games under Sega's Back Catalogue.
Please Sega leave these alone.
The mere fact "Crazy Taxi" alone is going to have one really hurts my heart as I knew it would've been awful.