Time Bandits

     When I was young, if I wanted to watch a movie, I had to wait for it to come on TV in the living room. VCRs were around, but we didn’t have one. You watched whatever came on, and one day, what came on was Time Bandits. I sat down expecting to watch a movie, and I got a whole new concern about my bedroom.
     The movie was like, these little people steal a map from God, and then they end up in this kid’s room. The map shows holes through time. Portal holes. God’s coming after them, everybody’s running, and then they push the bedroom wall, and it moves. Dude. I had been pretty comfortable with walls up until that moment.
     After that, I kept an eye on mine. I’d be lying in bed, ready to go to sleep, and then I’d think, let me check so I gave it a glance Yep the wall was still there. Good. I didn’t know how these portal holes worked. Could one open anywhere? Did you need a special wall? We hadn’t covered any of this at school.
     And what was I supposed to do if these dudes showed up with a map they stole from God? I don't want to have anything to do with that. Like, if you want to steal stuff from God that is certainly your business, but I don't want to have anything to do with that mess.
I don’t remember exactly how old I was, but I really sweated over this. I haven’t seen the movie since. I watched it once, and then I spent a little bit more time than I should watching my wall. Then, not too much later, I saw Howard the Duck. I didn’t know anything about the comic book. I saw the poster, bought a ticket, and went in. There was a duck. Okay, I could follow that. He talked, wore clothes, got around. Pretty cool, I guess.
     Then there was a lady, and somehow the lady and the duck were getting romantically involved. I was still working out how to talk to girls, and this duck seemed to be making real progress.
     What kind of movies were these, dude? I was trying to get through childhood and understand the basics. Keep your room clean. Do your homework. Then I’d watch a movie, and suddenly I needed to consider whether my bedroom opened into another century or a duck could just have that much more charisma than me.
     They definitely left a lasting impression. I don’t think any of that could happen, but at the time I wasn’t comfortable ruling it out.