Tragic/Gay ass poem

Saccharine

She is not the sweet of candy that calms my body
Or the sugar of food expensive and gaudy
Neither is she more real in some sense of the word
For she hardly exists in the real world
She is the bitter coating my teeth when I awake
That seeps into my muscles with every ache
She is what is leftover of somebody more acceptable
Into somebody society would consider despicable
Her mask is made of shiny crystals and candy
It's a reflecting lie, both to them and to me
When I see the blank slate of her, I'm likely just projecting
Onto the damaged person I think I'm defending
I know her in every step that I take
And every midnight hour that I wake
And yet I know not a true detail or piece of truth
I only know we both lost our life, lost our youth
You are hiding behind your mask, hoping none will see
And they think they do, but I await patiently
When you are ready, I will be the only one accepting
Of the truth you spend forever rejecting
Your true nature and your instability
Are facets of yourself that you share with me
Though it's far more likely, now that I think
That I'm just on the edge again, on another brink
Of realization of limererance, platonic feelings, or projection
Onto an idea, a concept, a part of my condition
The more that I think of the past and who I am really
I find more and more the only thing I can love is me