As a first piece of advice, I'd tell you to try Googling his name or looking it up in public records or databases to see if you can find out why he went to prison. Eleven years is a very long sentence, and if your mom refuses to tell you why he was incarcerated, I don't think you're wrong for wanting answers before you're expected to trust him.
My second piece of advice is, even though it shouldn't be your responsibility as her daughter, I think you should sit your mom down and tell her she's repeating the same patterns. Someone getting angry because their partner doesn't answer the phone or reply to texts immediately is a red flag. If she wants you to have a good relationship with her boyfriend, then she also has to understand that respect goes both ways. She can't expect you to automatically like or trust someone just because she chose him. If she wants you to feel safe around him, then the first step is choosing someone who actually makes both of you feel safe.
I'd tell her something like, "Mom, I don't dislike him just because I feel like it. I'm uncomfortable because of the way he acts, because I don't know why he spent eleven years in prison, and because this relationship reminds me of the one that hurt you before. I don't want to watch you go through that again."
You don't deserve to sit there watching your mom get treated poorly all over again, and she doesn't deserve to keep ending up with people who make her anxious or have to walk on eggshells. She got out of one toxic relationship for a reason. It would be heartbreaking to see her fall into another one just because it looks different on the surface.
As for you, I'd also trust your instincts. If you're already saying, "I want to go home," that's worth paying attention to. If you can, try texting or calling another trusted adult—a relative, your dad (if that's a safe option), an older sibling, or someone else you trust—and let them know how you're feeling; even if they can't come get you right away, it's important that someone besides your mom knows what's going on.
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Coco ʕ·ᴥ·ʔ
As a first piece of advice, I'd tell you to try Googling his name or looking it up in public records or databases to see if you can find out why he went to prison. Eleven years is a very long sentence, and if your mom refuses to tell you why he was incarcerated, I don't think you're wrong for wanting answers before you're expected to trust him.
My second piece of advice is, even though it shouldn't be your responsibility as her daughter, I think you should sit your mom down and tell her she's repeating the same patterns. Someone getting angry because their partner doesn't answer the phone or reply to texts immediately is a red flag. If she wants you to have a good relationship with her boyfriend, then she also has to understand that respect goes both ways. She can't expect you to automatically like or trust someone just because she chose him. If she wants you to feel safe around him, then the first step is choosing someone who actually makes both of you feel safe.
I'd tell her something like, "Mom, I don't dislike him just because I feel like it. I'm uncomfortable because of the way he acts, because I don't know why he spent eleven years in prison, and because this relationship reminds me of the one that hurt you before. I don't want to watch you go through that again."
You don't deserve to sit there watching your mom get treated poorly all over again, and she doesn't deserve to keep ending up with people who make her anxious or have to walk on eggshells. She got out of one toxic relationship for a reason. It would be heartbreaking to see her fall into another one just because it looks different on the surface.
As for you, I'd also trust your instincts. If you're already saying, "I want to go home," that's worth paying attention to. If you can, try texting or calling another trusted adult—a relative, your dad (if that's a safe option), an older sibling, or someone else you trust—and let them know how you're feeling; even if they can't come get you right away, it's important that someone besides your mom knows what's going on.
I hope your situation gets better soon.
Ty I'll take your advice and talk to my mom
by Sagebebored; ; Report