"WE WERE LONG DISTANT"😭💔

okay so, i've never told anybody that hasn't been my bsfs but i gotta tell it.

so, in middle school being the lonely hopeless romantic, texted a random number and got in contact with this guy conveniently just a year older than me in a grade higher. dw, we BOTH made sure we weren't psycho pervs. took us like a month but we were careful.

we talked almost everyday, id talk about him with my friends who kept saying he was some old guy tryna get in my pants. we talked for about another few months until the end of eighth grade when my guy bsf randomly texts me "hey ik you like oliver (fake name) and you guys are dating between three states but ive liked for a while and thought you should know."

i didn't see that message until i went home bc my phone was at like three percent. i didn't know what to say and accidentally left him on read for two days bc i didn't know what to say (we'll call me mason). i never told oliver bc he had a summer job and didn't need that on his shoulders. i tried to talk to mason but he never responded back and so i kind of gave up.

especially after oliver just STOPPED texting me back one day. i tried calling him, texting him until my friends convinced me to give up.

freshman year, i get to text mason asking him "hey, i didn't see you at orientation" he just says, after three months "oh ya, didn't go". and I thought "what the fuck? this guy finally texts me back and doesnt ask anything else? that bi-" he was grounded. 

mason got grounded for something, i didn't ask for anymore. throughout the whole year, me and mason occasionally glanced at each other and i started liking him. it was a dic move bc i was still not over about oliver. my friend, we'll call ella, was friends with mason and would tell me just a few things about mason that he either asked about me to ella or if i asked her. she told me he had gotten his girlfriend a pandora bracelet and i decided it'd be better to just not talk to him again or i'd be in deeper shit.

nearing the end of freshman year, i had discovered i somehow had oliver's email?? i didn't question it. my friends told me not to do it, to not get hurt again but i emailed him, asking what happened and if he could just give me closure on what happened. last month of school, i get an email back from him.

i was over the moon! we gave each other our numbers back and we're back in the honeymoon phase. for a week. 

"remember when we talked about sending pictures other than our faces?" promise me, i left him on read before blocking him. i was heartbroken, and felt dumb. i had talked to guys like this and i had really thought oliver was different.

anyways. i was just thinking about all this and thinking "wow...i would've been the worst person ever" only if i had ditched oliver. i would've looked like a slut, looking for any attention my previous crush never gave me (which ella did in fact foreshadow to me before eighth grade ended) ((thank you ella, ily)).