What happens when someone bets the film's budget on the music

It's not exactly a new thing for audiences or critics to completely trash a film – whether it's because it hasn't aged well, or because it was always just rubbish to begin with, no offence to anyone involved. Obviously, you can't just cobble together a thesis out of thin air without any grounding, so let's turn to the real critics: the 'WORKING-CLASS' VOICES on Letterboxd. And with that, we've got plenty of examples of outright flops: Human Centipede 3 (why on earth aren't the other two included in this list as well?), 365 Days (it's certainly one of the films of all time), Slenderman (that mess barely has a plot, but we can get to that later), and Vampires Suck (honestly, this one seems like a masterpiece compared to the others I just mentioned) – all of these poor souls stirred up way more controversy than applause when it comes to popularity.

And you know what I reckon? What they were really missing was a decent musical repertoire. That way, everyone could still agree the film was terrible, but at least there'd be something positive to latch onto. If you can't pick out melodies that actually fit with the concept of your film – good or cohesive – it's going to be a tough sell to defend it. Sure, having a few great hits on the tracklist isn't going to magically turn water into wine, but it does at least cover about a third of the film's job. The music choice is a major tell for what niche the film is aiming for, gives you something to hum along to during the big emotional moments, and, above all, lets everyone hear just how stacked the music supervisor's playlist is. And don't you dare tell me that putting Muse in Twilight was a misstep..

ACT I — Poking around

With this film obsession, I ended up not just in the sillier niches, but also the more specific ones, because I found one just as addictive – namely, the famous Independent Teen Vampilover Blogs. That lot were pretty good with CSS, honestly! I got curious and looked up tutorials on how to become a vampire, mermaid and werewolf, and thanks to those honourable rituals, I now have four arms, I've imprinted on a baby, I sleep with my eyes open and I'm sensitive to verbena – all at the same time. – With that in mind, I started remembering a lot of films that played into this whole Supernatural Romance idea, involving Human x Monster. One of them had a title that was a bit odd in itself: Warm Bodies

I'd be lying if I said I didn't know this film, because I've basically had gold sitting in my hands for ages, considering my teenage sister was deep into romance flicks and all that; even so, I still never got round to watching it, purely out of disinterest – and a small disinterest in the actual plot. Since I got curious hearing that the thing is a universal laughing stock for both fans and non-fans of the supernatural genre, I ended up giving it a go. — The aim of this blog isn't to write a full-on critique, because if it were, I'd say the relationship between R and Julie is a bit cheesy, and some of the other zombies' actions are way too convenient for that couple, but I did personally find the protagonist's monologues quite funny. I kept feeling a bit puzzled as I watched because two or three songs that played sounded really familiar, until I heard Patience just popping up out of nowhere. What the hell.

ACT II — Feeling Nostalgic

So, of course, I turned to Google and found out why I recognised the songs that were playing. I knew every single one of them because my mum used to listen to them when I was a kid, and so you have something more than just words, here's the list:

1. Sitting In Limbo – Jimmy Cliff

2. We Wish You a Merry Christmas – John Robert Foster

3. Missing You – John Waite

4. The Bad In Each Other – Feist

5. Be the Song – Foy Vance

6. Patience – Guns N’ Roses

7.Shell Suite – Chad Valley

8. Hungry Heart – Bruce Springsteen

9. Shelter from the Storm – Bob Dylan

10. Hinnom, TX – Bon Iver

11. Yamaha – Delta Spirit

12. Rock You Like a Hurricane – Scorpions

13. Oh Pretty Woman – Roy Orbison

14. Midnight City – M83

15. Runaway – The National

16. Numbers Don’t Lie – The Mynabirds

   Reflecting on it, that's when you realise you had to give in; because Bob Dylan being included proves that someone appreciates a good harmonica, a good guitar, and a good piano.

ACT III — Questioning

As I said before, Slenderman is a questionable horror film because the plot is weak – they couldn't squeeze blood from a stone even if they'd supposedly based it on the game. With that in mind, a lot of people think they should be making films based on creepypastas, analog horrors, ARGs... you get the idea. In my opinion, Ticci Toby is a more than interesting character, and at the very least, he deserved a more elaborate adaptation (alright, maybe not quite a full-length feature).

So, tell me: if you could pick any existing work that deserved a cinematic adaptation, what songs would fit as the soundtrack? Which bands, albums or artists would scream the essence of what you had in mind?