what I’m manifesting as an evil little boy

this blog is like the rest of the ones I make don’t think it’s gonna be nice 

 am not manifesting any of this due to self-hatred. I genuinely just enjoy bullshit going on. I want my life to be like that ‘whole house mad’ meme.. my good manifestations are me getting taller/pretty hair/lots of money/stuff like that

I’m also manifesting beating up my friend’s ‘friend’/getting hit by a car/getting bitten by a dog/getting triggered/potentially getting hospitalised/getting beaten the fuck up by my dad/getting weed gummies/fainting/becoming a vigilante and.. other stuff I shouldn’t talk about 

none of rhis is good of course. I daydream about bad things happening to me, and want bad things to happen to myself, due to past trauma that has led trauma and harm to be the main part of my life, and therefore one of my only entertainments. Most of this stuff I don’t even manifest actively but I daydream about it happening a lot. I think me getting hit by a car would be absolutely hilarious same with going to school stoned.. I also want to get more oppurtunities to beat up bad people as I think it would be the best way to let out my homicidal ideation. This is the blog of an utterly disturbed young man and I’m getting therapy but I still want bad things to happen to me and I don’t want to let that part of me go because I don’t see a point in it! It’s fun. I might also self-harm in the more traditional way again.

I’ve never understood doing the things I do because of pain. Why would I harm myself for no reason because I’m sad? I do it because I love it. I love this. My whole identity is based off of what happened to me. Every behaviour I have. So I’m just.. unraveling within what is mine and only mine and what can only be mine and what is me and what I know. I am groomed by my life endlessly, and I do not feel trapped.