Why am I just playing in my own face?

This has been on my mind all day because I just love and want this guy so bad. I have liked my friend Bryan since last October but I would just force myself to forget about him and move on because in my mind it could never happen. Eventually in December I got a boyfriend but broke up with him in May due to some stuff he did to me and during that time I was dating this guy, I kinda stopped talking to Bryan. I started talking to him again after I broke up with my ex because he was the first person I went to about the situation and what happened. I remember that around that time I was really blaming myself for letting my ex do what he did, and Bryan would get mad for me. He would tell me that it wasn't my fault for the situation we would just talk for hours about how I felt. I started getting feelings for him again but never told him about it because I was afraid It could ruin our friendship up until a dew days ago. I was talking to him about relationships and how I was so scared to get into another one because of what happened in the past. I proceeded to ask him if he was interested in someone and he told me about a girl in his class. He then went to tell me how he felt like he was unlovable and unable to love someone because he often lost interest last. I didn't really think for this next part and ended up confessing that I had liked him since last October but would just always force it away. I told him that I didn't think I was ready for a relationship and was just telling him so he would know that he is lovable because I loved him. He ended up telling me that he didn't expect that and that he was actually interested in me before. He asked me why I liked him and I just started ranting. He thanked me for making him feel more confident in himself. I agreed to help him try to win this girl and see if he truly liked her. I know it sounds dumb but I feel like he deserves someone who won't make him wait for simple affection because their ex was terrible to them. I just can't help how much I like him. We're so similar when it comes down to personality and humor. I get him and he gets me. What makes it even worse is that I'm already getting over my fear of guys touching me and I feel more ready for a relationship. I just blew it! I hate myself for this omg 😢