Why I think GTA V sucks

(aka: arguments you've already heard before; get ready for the LONGEST BLOG POST EVER)

In light of the recent news surrounding GTA VI and it potentially being leaked to the public months ahead of release, I decided to look back at what I deem to be the red-headed stepchild of the franchise, the HD universe's ill-fated venture back into Los Santos, GTA V. As you probably already can tell I believe this game is a massive disappointment, especially after the work of modern art (subjectively speaking; this appears to be one of those things you don't say out loud) that is GTA IV. There are like 15 different elephants in the room that I think I need to address but I'm too lazy to go over most of them in detail so I'll just talk about my biggest gripes with it.

- Starting off strong with the open world: GTA IV had this insanely lively open world. Sure, it was smaller than San Andreas (which had three entire cities), but it was more than made up for with pedestrian and traffic density, alongside the oft-overlooked ability to explore the interiors of numerous random buildings, many of which had little to no bearing on the plot itself aside from being the occasional setpiece. Meanwhile, GTA V has nothing. There's a city which feels dead for most of the night and milquetoast during the day (and with no interiors!) and a large wilderness where pretty much nothing happens aside from like 4 missions.  What's worse is that there is a point in the game where you can't even access the city as two of the three playable characters. Whereas IV felt like it used the city as more than just a backdrop, V takes like three steps back. It's a beautifully rendered world, sure, but it always feels like it never exists past the corner of your eye. I imagine you could come up with a counterargument that this incidentally represents how vapid the real Los Angeles is but whatever.

- Here's the part you really don't say out loud, the driving: I'm sure to get crucified amongst a portion of the GTA fandom for this take, but I think IV has the best driving. Every car handles different, which I think is a marked step-up from the classic games where car handling practically meant nothing aside from how fast they went. Additionally, there's actual skill and thought required now when driving them. Your average SUV is naturally going to handle quite a bit worse than a sedan or a sports car, but in exchange they soak up a lot of gunfire and can even act as a form of cover in gunfights. This also has the curious side effect of making car chases way more engaging; in addition to knowing the map you also have to deal with the car you've chosen and how it handles when losing the cops. Meanwhile V traded the realism for arcade-style controls and really it just feels incredibly dull and is pretty much a nothingburger.

- So we've covered the map and driving, what next? The characters: everyone in IV is engaging and believable, and the game really pulls no punches when showcasing the downfall of American crime and the sociopathy of modern criminals. Niko Bellic, the protagonist, is perhaps the most interesting example: naturally, as a GTA protagonist, he does horrific crimes as part of the plot, yet is painted in a tragic light; he is a deeply traumatized man who lives a life he wanted no part of. He is, during the course of the story, in no position to get out of the game, in addition to living to see most of the people he cares about or is employed by either die or get locked up. 

Meanwhile on the protagonist side in V, we have Franklin, who has an interesting concept but is really boring, Michael, who has an interesting concept but is also really boring, and my least favorite of all Trevor, who can be boiled down to "what if man...was PSYCHO? and, and, he KILL PEOPLE and SAY SWEAR WORDS and BE EVIL BUT FUNNY??", aka what every edgy 12 year old wants. Furthermore, on the subject of characters who aren't the protagonists, it would seem as if Dan Houser, who is already a hack writer, decided to apologize for the crime of Writing Likable Characters by making every character in V so annoying that I could not possibly give a fuck if they all died tragically. The only character I found to be likable is Lamar and that's because he's a lovable doofus.

- Lastly I'm gonna touch on the story: like I mentioned before IV had an intriguing and engaging story about the downfall of American crime ("Feds are all over it. Crime is done" - Michelle) and the death of the American dream as viewed from the eyes of an immigrant who, up until the beginning of the game, has only heard about America via its culture and the lies his cousin regularly mails him. V is the exact opposite. V forgoes breaking new ground and telling a story in exchange for being a fairly generic heist-themed third person shooter. As I mentioned one paragraph ago V's characters are so unlikable and forgettable that were they to all just randomly die I don't think I'd mind. Meanwhile if someone like Little Jacob or Roman or even Niko died I'd be pretty sad because the game would at least handle that situation with the gravitas it deserves, unlike V which would probably go back to making dick jokes five seconds later (never forget what they did to Johnny).

Another thing worth pointing out: whenever the writers can't think of anything to do with a character, they just get shooed away until the final act. Most obviously, Stretch makes one in game appearance early on before disappearing for the entire plot save for a couple of phone calls, most of which are optional. He then reappears...in the final mission, where he is killed, having apparently become a major antagonist offscreen. The game already has three major antagonists (and even then two of them, Steve Haines and the Triad, disappear until the final act, a reoccurring theme throughout this game as it would seem), and it REALLY did not need a fourth. It's just unnecessary bloat. You can say the same for Michael's family, who are irrelevant for more than half the game. 

I guess if I had to say something positive about it, it's that it's a game. And you can play it. That about wraps it up.