Yk when ur life isn't bad but it isn't great either 💔😓

like its good enough I feel bad complaining abt it but I'm also not happy </3 Everytime i start venting i start thinking abt the literal horrors other ppl r experiencing on a daily basis and immediately feel bad abt it. Guys im gonna summarise whats going on and U r going to tell me if im being dramatic or not...u will...U WILL....

So like when I was 12 my mom and grandma got xtra supersonic insanely religious and took me out of school bc they thought it was brainwashing me and shit. I haven't been back since #AtA5thGradeLevelAt15YearsOld ! ! 4 the first few years it was like a war zone cuz i didnt believe what they did and they did so they were constantly freaking out abt how i was going 2 burn in hell and even got my little sister 2 tell me i was gonna burn 💔 It was so confuzing 2 cuz just like a few months ago they were going into witchcraft then completley switched up.

Then when I was 13 they started giving me weed everyday like all the time cuz its "Gods medicine" and said i was 2 much sober. I've genuinley been smoking 10+ times a day everyday for years now my brain is FRIED.

They also don't try 2 socialize me at all like I haven't had a friend in YEARS and have never had a friendship irl last more than like a month...I'm also not aloud 2 have any socials like im so surprised im allowed 2 have friendrewind. 

Idk how 2 explain this 1 but i also have a weird handwashing problem that has been happening 4 years now. like it got 2 the point where i washed so much i couldnt bend my hands more than a few cms. they were constantly bleeding and looked like they belonged 2 a 90 yr old person instead of a 15 yr old. They tried to help at first kind of by hiding every soap from me cuz id js go through it within 2 seconds. Theyd also just constantly tell me how horrible of a person i am and always b yelling at me. I dont blame them cuz i kept wasting things trying 2 keep myself clean. They gave up tho and js pretend like its not happening. i genuinley tried 2 be better idfk whats wrong with me, its a bit better now but then i gen felt like i was in hell it was actually fucking horrible.

I go outside all the time and try to make friends like a normal person but no one will fucking talk 2 me. I GEN TRY SO HARD. I talk 2 sm ppl but literally no 1 is interested. All i think abt all the time is going 2 school & prom, getting friends and maybe a bf/gf i js dont think itll ever happen 4 me. My mom says 2 js accept im not meant 2 have friends and God isolates his chosen ones so its a good thing. 

and at my house ever1 hates each other in some way. I live with my Grandma and Grandpa with my mom and 2 little siblings. Ive lived w my grandpa my whole life and know NOTHING abt him besides he doesnt like any of us. He gen does not speak a word 2 me or any1 else like EVER. but when he does he js curses under his breath or yells at us, when he had 2 fix smth he starts screaming and freaking the fuck out. My grandma says hes a psychotic narcissist. My grandma is always on abt smth, like me being not real, nothing around us being real and everythings a simulation, me somehow hating her since i was 2, me hanging out with my mom means i hate her and my mom also hates her...genuinley when i was watching movies w MY OWN MOM. she would get so mad and say we were js leaving her out nd hate her. Also when me and my mom went vegitarian (was bc we were all scared ppl were in the meat but yk story 4 another time this is alr way 2 long) she freaked the fuck out and we almost moved out it got so bad. this is like literally nothing shes the most controlling person i know. When shes saying horrible shit 2 me my mom just nods along and acts like her fucking lapdog then like months later will start complaining abt her and say she doesnt agree w the stuff shes saying abt me...its so confusing bro. 

But at the same time its genuinley not bad here. like my mom makes homemade everything, is nice, i dont get hit or anything, i live in a nice house...kind of if u ignore all the FUCKING DOG ADN CAT PISS LITERALLY EVEEYWHERE. I feel like i cant rlly complain idk 💔

Ok ill shut up now this is like the length of the declaration of independence...ill prob delete this later