my (adequate) work ethic has still been super bad and I still haven't done much but drink some coffee (and yummy water😸) and fuck all. i listened to more soundtracks today (my fave rn is rolypolys no nanakorobi yaoki) and also some youtube....
I did take my pill but im still feeling like garbage somehow. ive been trying to draw and tidy up but I just feel so dysfunctional lately it's not even funny. still trying to(and kinda failing) to cut back on smoking but being sober and grounded in reality is so😭ass😭😭 when are they making a reality that doesn't suck ass. it could also be me, ive been recollecting all of my shortcomings and im losing faith in my ability to make something of myself🤔
I know art is a fine thing to do but I always find myself wishing I'd put more effort into using my good brain when I was younger and brighter. whenever I go out to talk to someone about my head they always tell me things about how I seem insightful and that I'm nice and smart but I don't know if I really have that much to show for it given I let good schooling opportunities pass me by😓 if I stopped being afraid of medication and help sooner maybe things would be different.
I had a big bowl of tater tots for breakfast today. skipped lunch again today but I just haven't been in a lunch-ly mood is all. still hanging out with my senior kitty today so maybe it isn't so bad. job... job.... job..... I want something to do so bad that isn't a loser activity over the internet ok bye thinking longingly about employment...🥺
Comments
Displaying 4 of 4 comments ( View all | Add Comment )
cadey
I hate her but I think if I let my mom have way more control of my life maybe I wouldn't have to think so hard for myself🤔 she always used to tell me to finish school and leave home and do something professional with cooking and travel the world but idk living up to those expectations is so hard🤨she doesn't talk to anyone else like how she talks to me and I guess im glad to take it over my brothers but its like she raised me like a third parent for everyone and I can't have my own thoughts😾grr.
Cysper04
Alright, I hope your day is going well so far.
But yeah I hope you could eventually manage to simply quit smoking.
I hope so too! I think once my current stock is gone I'll either switch to cigs until I can wean off both of them (which I know for a fact WILL work because I freaking hate cigarettes)
I did try to stay addicted to them (?lol) but I just hated the taste and the icky feeling in my throat so I kept quitting😭 I can't commit to cigs
by cadey; ; Report
Alright, I hope you'll eventually quit to smoking cigarettes someday soon.
And I think from what you said here, it looks like you actually could do it.
Maybe it'll take some time.
by Cysper04; ; Report