I have asperger, not a strong autism but still makes some things different for me. Also I'm an introvert, if I'm in my room I can go days with low human contact, tinkering on my projects and things.
I'm spending my summer abroad working as a waiter, while also being in a relationship. But one of the problems is that my partner is in my home country..
And while it works well when we are near each other, I feel like I can't maintain proper relationships, if the other person is not within a reachable distance.
I don't miss people how I should, how others do it. I don't miss people in a loud constant way. They just sometimes pop up in my head and I miss their energy like their personality. But this is never like a constant feeling.
Currently as I mentioned I work as a waitress, usually 6 days a week in 8 hour shifts. Some days I even need to be in overtime. I did notice that this is not exactly the job for me as I have to deal with humans constantly, like be present and things. I also have flatmates here, who want to have conversations with me and things.
And while I would have the time to give attention to my partner who requires it (and I feel that as a totally valid need coming from them), somehow I just can't. I can't quite reason why, but for some reason I just feel incapable to do so.
Logically, I know that their need for my attention is valid and real.
I feel bad about this all, and I don't exactly know why I feel incapable.