I really hate when I'm obsessing over my past.

I have this thing where I see myself being a nice and understanding person to someone and think "I'm getting better!", but then I suddenly think about every little thing I did to others and realize I was an extremely toxic person in the past and now I'm stuck thinking that I'll never be a good person because of it as if this shit was from I was 13. 

Like obviously I know that I've done fucked up shit, but I'm trying to become a better person but it's hard when I'm suddenly thinking of my past fuck ups! Because then I obsess over everything and become extremely erratic and do dumb shit which just makes me look worse and then I shut away for a while because "holy shit that was such a stupid thing to do" and then I feel extremely guilty because obviously I shouldn't have done or said that and then I wonder if I'll ever become a better person.

I really want to become a better person of myself, but it's impossible when I'm obsessing over every little thing I could've possibly done in the past that was even MILDLY stupid. Does anyone else have this issue?? If so I would LOVE any kind of advice because this is driving me INSANE.

sometimes i feel that way too ngl

This is so real…

Idk if theres a cure for this. I find it relatable. Sometimes I think "every saint has a past, every sinner has a future" not the most comforting but its something. You're never too late or too far gone or too occupied as long as improvement stays in your focus. Theyre people who think of them selves as morally refined and cant acknowledge what theyve done wrong. So in a way your ahead of them. 

I think maybe you are obsessing over the past because you haven't forgiven yourself yet. I'm not sure if it will help but I found an article that maybe you want to skim through: https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to-stop-ruminating-on-the-past