AITA/I NEED OPINIONS?

Hi, I’m kitty! and I need some advice (warning, a bit long)

So, for some context of this story, I (19) have a best friend, who we’ll call Edward (19), who I have been friends with since we were both 12-13. And he has a girlfriend, who we will call Paige (19) and I have a boyfriend, Xander (20). 

Xander and I have been together for the past two and a half years, and Edward and Paige have been together for almost a year officially.  

Last night, Edward and Xander picked me up from my work and we were going to hang out and get dinner together. I don’t get to see Edward often anymore because of both of us working, so I was excited to hang out with him. Especially since I’ve been going through some personal things. 

When I got in the car, Edward asked Xander if he had asked me about something that they had been talking. And, Xander said he texted me but I was at work so they were going to ask me now. They had been talking about going to get sushi (I hate seafood) and wanted to basically know if it would be chill for them to go and we go out to the place we were going to go to afterwards. I was a little hurt, because, again, I never get to hang out with Edward (or Xander, most days, cause of work) and they honestly hang out together more now a days. But, I didn’t care all too much at the time, and just made a joke like “are yall really asking to go hang out without me?”

My boyfriend thought I was seriously upset. And, unbeknownst to me he wasn’t taking his meds (he has schizophrenia), stopped talking all together…which I HATEE. 

I got a little upset by it, and somehow we ended up having a little argument. Which was him thinking I was mad, and me not actually being mad but just frustrated he wasn’t acting like himself. 

We get to my home, and I go to use bathroom. My boyfriend follows me in and my friend stays outside of the room. My boyfriend is trying to talk to me about the argument, and I tell him I don’t want to talk about it and that I just need to have a little space to calm down. But, he’s not himself, so he doesn’t listen. 

After a little bit we walk out of the bathroom and I can admit we weren’t in the best of moods. But, I still want to hang out with Edward. 

Edward asks if he should go home, I say no and that they should just go get sushi and then we could go out to eat all together after. Mostly to give me space from the situation, but also just so I don’t feel like I ruined their plans. 

Xander says no, and when Edward asks if he should leave to him, Xander says yes (I didn’t hear this, it was said low). I thought Xander had said no as well, but Edward got up and left. 

I was upset, because I felt like the whole thing was ruined over something so silly. 

Edward texts in the group chat all four of us have after he gets home to ask Xander for gas money. I say he’ll send it, but that I really didn’t want him to go. And he proceeded to say he didn’t see a point if my boyfriend and I were fighting and that he was irritated because ‘everytime we hang out me and my boyfriend end up fighting’. Context: my boyfriend have been together so long we end up bickering like an old married couple. Never actual fight, but, my friend always thought they were real. 

I say that’s not fair, and that there’s been multiple times I still hung out with him and his ex after they had arguments at my own house. 

This is where Paige chimed in. She said that was messed up for me to say because it was an abusive relationship (which is true) and that Edward was a kid when it had happened (less true, it was a year ago when we were already adults). She had also said if I had had the choice then, I would’ve left too (also not true, I had been at their house as well when they had fights). She then proceeded to say that Edward is a grown man and isn’t obligated to give me space and come back (going to get sushi and then coming back) and he is allowed to leave if he wants. 

Edward did end up coming back over after an hour or so. 

I told him that it didn’t feel fair that he left, especially with how many times I had stayed when his ex and him had fights. He said he didn’t understand why that matters now, because it’s not the same thing. And I explained that it, sure, wasn’t the same situation but that I was able to sit through something uncomfortable for him and have always been there for him. He said I didn’t HAVE to. I said, no, but that I love and care about him. And it feels like lately he doesn’t care about me the same because of how him and his girlfriend treat both my bf and I. And, that because of other things that have happened before, this just hit me a certain way. 

I need some opinions on this. And I’m sorry it’s so long, lol. So, please help! 

Tbh I feel like this is one of those situations that happens around your age (I'm 23 so not THAT much older, but still) where everyone has strong feelings about something that really won't feel like a big deal in a few years and is no ones fault yet everyone's fault at the same time. I think them telling you that you don't deserve space and your bf not respecting that boundary is quite disrespectful, and that would lead me to start evaluating how often those people are ignoring your boundaries and if they're safe people to stay in your life (obviously with a boyfriend that's easier said than done, also good job trying to step away to calm down). Your bf being off of his meds is very frustrating. I have schizoaffective bipolar and I thank the universe EVERY day that my best friend has stayed by my side through every time I went off my meds, because she certainly should've left many times (I NEVER go off of them now). That being said, being off of his meds or being mentally ill may be a REASON for certain behavior, but never an EXCUSE for it. In the end, I think no one is to blame here, it's just all around a sticky situation where people's feelings weren't lining up with each others. I'm sorry you had a rough night, but try to think of how long you'll live and that in 1, 3, 5, or 20 years, you won't even remember that this night happened.

Much love <3

First of all I’m sorry that happened, I could imagine you feel overwhelmed especially since you were put in a difficult situation which you had next to no control over.

Sounds like Edward means a lot to you and you care about his feelings but at the same time feel as if the situation was unfair and kind of just happened. I recommend explaining to Edward why you were disappointed about him leaving, tell him you feel like you don’t spend much time together anymore and miss his company, tell him the reason this was so important to you is because you value his company. But at the same time let him know you understand why he left, and you get how it can be frustrating to feel like the middle man. 

If he reacts poorly to that dont let it get you down, at least then you know you tried and if he doesn’t agree and still wants to be sour about it so be it.

I really hope this helped in some way!!