I posted this in the advice section of the forums as well!!
Hi, I’m kitty! and I need some advice (warning, a bit long)
So, for some context of this story, I (19) have a best friend, who we’ll call Edward (19), who I have been friends with since we were both 12-13. And he has a girlfriend, who we will call Paige (19) and I have a boyfriend, Xander (20).
Xander and I have been together for the past two and a half years, and Edward and Paige have been together for almost a year officially.
Last night, Edward and Xander picked me up from my work and we were going to hang out and get dinner together. I don’t get to see Edward often anymore because of both of us working, so I was excited to hang out with him. Especially since I’ve been going through some personal things.
When I got in the car, Edward asked Xander if he had asked me about something that they had been talking. And, Xander said he texted me but I was at work so they were going to ask me now. They had been talking about going to get sushi (I hate seafood) and wanted to basically know if it would be chill for them to go and we go out to the place we were going to go to afterwards. I was a little hurt, because, again, I never get to hang out with Edward (or Xander, most days, cause of work) and they honestly hang out together more now a days. But, I didn’t care all too much at the time, and just made a joke like “are yall really asking to go hang out without me?”
My boyfriend thought I was seriously upset. And, unbeknownst to me he wasn’t taking his meds (he has schizophrenia), stopped talking all together…which I HATEE.
I got a little upset by it, and somehow we ended up having a little argument. Which was him thinking I was mad, and me not actually being mad but just frustrated he wasn’t acting like himself.
We get to my home, and I go to use bathroom. My boyfriend follows me in and my friend stays outside of the room. My boyfriend is trying to talk to me about the argument, and I tell him I don’t want to talk about it and that I just need to have a little space to calm down. But, he’s not himself, so he doesn’t listen.
After a little bit we walk out of the bathroom and I can admit we weren’t in the best of moods. But, I still want to hang out with Edward.
Edward asks if he should go home, I say no and that they should just go get sushi and then we could go out to eat all together after. Mostly to give me space from the situation, but also just so I don’t feel like I ruined their plans.
Xander says no, and when Edward asks if he should leave to him, Xander says yes (I didn’t hear this, it was said low). I thought Xander had said no as well, but Edward got up and left.
I was upset, because I felt like the whole thing was ruined over something so silly.
Edward texts in the group chat all four of us have after he gets home to ask Xander for gas money. I say he’ll send it, but that I really didn’t want him to go. And he proceeded to say he didn’t see a point if my boyfriend and I were fighting and that he was irritated because ‘everytime we hang out me and my boyfriend end up fighting’. Context: my boyfriend have been together so long we end up bickering like an old married couple. Never actual fight, but, my friend always thought they were real.
I say that’s not fair, and that there’s been multiple times I still hung out with him and his ex after they had arguments at my own house.
This is where Paige chimed in. She said that was messed up for me to say because it was an abusive relationship (which is true) and that Edward was a kid when it had happened (less true, it was a year ago when we were already adults). She had also said if I had had the choice then, I would’ve left too (also not true, I had been at their house as well when they had fights). She then proceeded to say that Edward is a grown man and isn’t obligated to give me space and come back (going to get sushi and then coming back) and he is allowed to leave if he wants.
Edward did end up coming back over after an hour or so.
I told him that it didn’t feel fair that he left, especially with how many times I had stayed when his ex and him had fights. He said he didn’t understand why that matters now, because it’s not the same thing. And I explained that it, sure, wasn’t the same situation but that I was able to sit through something uncomfortable for him and have always been there for him. He said I didn’t HAVE to. I said, no, but that I love and care about him. And it feels like lately he doesn’t care about me the same because of how him and his girlfriend treat both my bf and I. And, that because of other things that have happened before, this just hit me a certain way.
I need some opinions on this. And I’m sorry it’s so long, lol. So, please help!
