I wanted to touch up on something that a lot of people don't like discussing or are afraid to talk about. Yup, toxic family members. When you hear that term I'm sure a couple people come to mind. Whether it's immediate blood family or in laws. For me, it's my father and my husband's sister and brother. This time I will touch up more on my sister-in-law and her now husband. Picture this, you open your doors for people when they are in need or just got out of a relationship that they tried to lie to you and tell you was bad. By the way, that's no the entire truth, you got tricked and they manipulated you into believing that they're ex partner was bad but you were about to find out later that maybe it wasn't all that ex's fault. You give these people shelter, food, anything you can help them with. But then you start seeing things that are off. They don't respect your rules, they leave light's on at night and they take off at night and leave the door unlocked. It's small things.
A couple months later, things start to get worse. They don't help you clean the house but they rush you and help clean the house once but only because her friend is coming for her daughter's 6th birthday. They dirty up a lot of dishes and they don't help you wash them. You make dinner for everyone, plates go untouched because they tell you to fix them a plate but they don't eat it because they go out to eat instead. Which is fine, but you should have said, "Hey we're eating out so we don't need you to fix us a plate." So 8 times out pf 10 that food they wasted had to be thrown away because no one will eat it. That's food wasted and food is expensive and there are 7 people in your house.
You're starting to notice patterns of manipulation, disrespect and being left out. Your dog doesn't trust the new boyfriend that you were kind enough to let move in after your sister-in law through a fit that his ex girlfriend's family was trying to drive him out of town. They take off for hours and leave their daughter here with little to no explanation of where they're going. Said daughter starts getting sad that her mom hasn't came home and Facetimes her mom on her iPad and the mother still gets mad at her child for video calling her. Your mom who also lives in the same house has a lot of health issues and can't even care for herself can't take care of your daughter doesn't say anything for fear of upsetting her daughter but you have had enough. These people are ungrateful, you sometimes do their laundry for them because they don't care enough to put their own laundry in the dryer. What's the point of trying to do laundry if you're going to half ass it and then expect someone else to finish it for you? Your room is by the kitchen and one day you hear them talking badly about you and calling you a "fat bitch" and blaming you for eating the lunchmeat that they bought but you never touched the food that they bought even if they tell you it's okay but you know it really isn't. So you decide not to touch the food and still get blamed and fat shamed even though it wasn't you that ate any of it.
It's been 8 months and these people still haven't moved and claim they're looking for places to live. You had been friends with your sister in law for about 7 years but she threw away her friendship with you for her new boyfriend she had barely known for a couple months. She stops hanging out with her daughter, her brother, you, her mom and everyone else. She tells you at one point that man is her life and no one comes before him, she even tells you first it's him than her daughter. At this point you're super fed up with both of them and hearing her pick her man over her child is disgusting. At some point her man ends up confessing to you that she had came to spend time with you for your birthday but that was a cover to have an excuse to break up with her ex. You suddenly remember how on the day of your birthday party she barely hung out with you, and hung out with "her friend."(Her current husband.) She couldn't break up with her ex in person so she did it over the phone couple days after your party. She told you she had a good reason why they broke up, but you start figuring out why she broke up with him so abruptly. She met this guy through her other toxic brother, and she started to hang out with that guy while she was still engaged to someone else. She was staying the night alone with this guy and when you confronted her about if she slept with him she lied and said no but you kind of knew she was lying but you let it go. A couple months later her boyfriend confesses that she did cheat on her fiancé with him. Your suspicions were confirmed. She didn't come see your for your birthday, she was here to break up with her ex fiancé and find another man so she didn't have to go back home because she didn't love her fiancé anymore.
At this point you're beyond mad and done. One of the last things she did to be disrespectful was when her daughter tripped on cement cracks and fell and got a bloody nose. Her nose wouldn't stop bleeding so you asked concerningly if her daughter needed to go to the emergency room or if you needed to call someone to drive you guys home. Instead of nicely saying, "Thank you for your concern but that won't be necessary." She responds with, "Fuck off bitch." After that I was done. The very last straw was when my husband had work at night and needed the car and they disappeared for 4 hours and he had to work. I finally texted her have fun in _____. Because at that point I think they want to that bigger town we get our shopping done at. After that I blocked her on my phone and social media and we didn't talk until she called me a bitch the day we finally kicked them out.
Two weeks later they finally move out, but it ends in a chaos. They belittle you call you worthless, fat and say mean things. They leave to attack your husband while he's at work and her boyfriend shoves him. My husband still didn't call the cops and told them nicely that they needed to get out of our house and they can come back in a couple days to get their things. They moved in with my other toxic brother in law for about a week. One week after that, they had moved into the same apartments that my brother in law was at. That was proof the they had never been looking for places to move to. Them coming to get their things went smoothly, I stayed in my room and within 45 minutes they were gone. I convinced my husband to file for a restraining order but unfortunately they denied it.
And you think this is where the story ends right? Wrong.
A couple months later they decide they're getting married. They want your husband to officiate the wedding, her mom as the bride's mother, and your daughter as a flower girl. I didn't care about not being invited. What hurt was that my daughter and husband had to go and I got left behind. I told my husband fine but once the wedding is over, my daughter will no longer be around them. Did I keep that promise? You bet your ass I did!
After that we completely distanced ourselves from them and did our holiday celebrations away from them. Every once in awhile from time to time they like to try and reach out through my husband and I've told him if you and your mom want to go see them be my guest, but my daughter and I haven't had anything to do with them for 2 years and that's how it's going to be. My husband still talks to them from time to time because it's mainly when it has something to do with their mom but he doesn't visit them. Their mom still sees them but lately her daughter has distanced herself from her mom and it's making her depressed that she can't see her daughter or her granddaughter. They talk on the phone but it's not the same. As far as me, I haven't talked to my sister in law for two years and the last time I saw her was on the last week of school two years ago and them they moved to another state. Honestly, good riddance. The further away, the better.
I'm telling you dealing with toxic, narcissistic family members isn't for the weak, especially a female narcism that's male centered. I'm not as nice as I used to be, but now I'm always on survival mode, constantly looking over my shoulder and sometimes I still remember what happened snd I get angry all over again. I hope one day I can fully heal from it and let it go and move on from it forever. I only posted it, because I wanted my story to be told to bring awareness that there are people that will take advantage, hurt you and still sleep like babies and still reach out without an apology or remorse just because some time passed. You don't have to forgive them but if you do, forgive them but don't give them access to come back into your life. Why shouldn't you let them in? Well they've already retold a different version of the story to make themselves look good and you as a villain.
Which is fine because I don't want to be a victim but I don't want to rekindle a bond with someone that hurts me, sees nothing wrong in their actions and has already started a smear campaign against you and sent their flying monkeys after you to make you feel bad and forgive them and reach out to them because, "Time has passed, it happened a long time ago."
Don't listen to those people, if you have mutual friends with the narcissists and they tell you those things, those are their friends not yours. I would recommend distancing yourself from those people as well.
I hope this brings more awareness and if you need to tell your story, then tell it. I know I'm going to have people that don't agree with me about any of this snd that's fine but a lot of us deal with similar situations and are scared into silence, but not me, not anymore.
Questions or advice? Shoot me a message.
