I’m wanting to get a boyfriend but I don’t even know where to start, so I would love to see everyone’s tips I’m desperate!
I say don't waste ur time. There's hardly any good guys left, and if you get too desperate, you'll just attract the wrong ones who just want to take advantage of you!! At least that's my personal experience.
@copacabana! Found the girl trying to keep the pool of single good guys to herself! 😜
be yourself. If you pretend to be someone you're not, you'll end up driving yourself crazy. ;)
i second kenai, don't be someone ur not for a boy. even if it feels good to be wanted, he doesn't want you he wants who you pretend to be and i mean like ur just gonna get tired of it and ur not gonna be attracted to him and he's not gonna be attracted to you. like idk i just keep guy friends close, obviously im not getting flirty or whatever with all of them but casual guy friends know cute boys that u can get close with.
sekai de ichiban ohimesama
ok i have never had a boyfriend in my life but coach don't play
like the others have said, be yourself. that's the key thing. it's not worth it to fake who you are just to get a guy to like you. also don't be scared to talk to a guy you like, get to know him. from there, i guess that should unfold naturally. once you get to the point you think know him pretty well and you guys get along, go ahead and say how you feel. if he doesn't feel the same, that's okay and the world won't end. you just gotta move on and wait til next time when a new person comes along :)
finding a boyfriend isn't easy and it does suck to be rejected, but don't let that bring you down and don't give up.
be confident and don't make it a habit on trying to find one. Like for some reason men find it ridiculously attractive to not be attracted to them sometimes. I'd say focus on bettering yourself. find a hobby, or club, and if someone peaks your interest there, then go for it! But always be confident in yourself. Some men will try to assert some type of idea that you're less than or weaker, which isn't true! Love yourself first, and a man second.
A
recurring pattern I have noticed in recent years is a lot of women when
asked what they bring to the table in a relationship think "I am the
table". (They have nothing to offer, other than to be a series of
holes.) ((I'm NOT saying that this is you!!! Just that I have seen more and more.))
Just like most women want a guy who is, mentally
stable, good looking, strong, emotionally stoic but open and vulnerable,
able to dominate but be affectionate, skilled, mature but funny,
predictable but spontaneous, capable of handling the unknown and solving
problems, makes 6 figures, etc. The more of these things a guy has the larger the percentage of women wish to date him and more.
Men are the same way, any
decent guy with a brain should have many requirements. Some girls get
caught up thinking that it's really only about being good looking.
But
that only works when men are horny. Once they bust, they get a few
minutes of clear headed thinking and in that time they will know if you
are a bad long term partner or not. Once they are not horny, it doesn't
matter if you are hot, if you have nothing else going for you and or
negatives. Guys like a girl who is skilled/helpful too, especially in
complementary ways to their weaknesses. Here are some questions a decent
guy would probably ask in his mind. Can she be compassionate and caring
but not overbearing to me and or our children? Is she loyal and honest?
Can she cook a great and unique meal and save us money? Can she fix
things and or be thrifty? Can she be reasonable and level headed when
disagreements arise? Is she overly sensitive? Can she handle
constructive criticism? Does she interpret help as negativity? Does she
appreciate or notice my effort? Does she have a good sense of humor?
Will she randomly crash out and chop my dick off if I say or do
something slightly wrong? 🤪
Different guys care about different things, these are just basically general examples where it almost never hurts, and almost always is a huge plus.
The more you align with what a guy is looking for the more they will chase after you. They need the information and proof though.
I think the advice of acting like you aren't attracted in a guy used to work more often when the culture normalized chasing women, and showing your confidence/seriousness about wanting the girl. But I think more girls are a lot more fragile and fearful now of guys and guys are a lot more fearful in the modern social dynamic too. With everything recorded, men not instantly taking no for an answer = creepy rapist, + cancel culture mobbing. Pretty much every guy I know in Gen Z will just take the first no for an answer and leave you alone after, that so the acting like you aren't attracted will ruin your chances most of the time. I may be a lil bias though because I only hang around good, educated, people. But that seems to be the general changing trend.
tl;dr you can never go wrong with improving yourself!
@X thank you I want to list off what I bring to the table to see what you think, I don’t think I have a lot really i am very sympathetic & caring, I never lie & I couldn’t imagine cheating, I don’t party or drink or smoke or anything like that so I’m probably pretty boring to people, I won’t crash out over something dumb lol, I can Draw, I would definitely love someone helping me with something and would notice effort, but I can’t cook or fix things & my sense of humour is eh! I also just don’t have a lot of confidence my self esteem is very low and it’s all because I’m lonely I don’t have any friends at least in person I have some on here and Reddit but only a few and you know people don’t really want to talk to someone who’s sad so it’s very hard for me
Donnie’s groovy glasses wrote:
I’m wanting to get a boyfriend but I don’t even know where to start, so I would love to see everyone’s tips I’m desperate!
You should focus more on yourself before getting a bf, make sure to find the right ones especially mentally stable people because you don’t want men that complain 24/7 and you don’t have nothing to say or things that your not prepared for. I use to be desperate but I find it better to be single bc I can talk to whoever I like without a man in my ear telling me no but I wish you the best of luck
If you don't love yourself it's almost impossible for others to love you. A lot of a relationship is solving innerwork first.
After you change the things you don't like about yourself, then the game changes and it comes down to one of these problems.
1. Being in the wrong lake (saltwater if you are freshwater)
2. Being in a puddle (Almost no other fish)
3. Using the wrong bait for the type of fish you want to catch (being a skibidi edge toilet rizzlerina at a mensa meeting for example)
4. Too small of a net (Not catching enough attention despite being the right fish.)Why do you think you are sad all the time?
@X well how can I love myself? I just don’t know how, do you have any advice for that?
@Donnie’s groovy glasses, sure let's start with what don't you like about yourself?
@X well I got bullied a lot as a kid and it really tanked my social skills because I didn’t want to be bullied anymore by anyone and it made me really lonely and then lonely turned to sad & sad to depressed, I hate that I can’t get out of that I hate that I can’t socialise I hate that I can’t even approach people like someone working in a store and ask where the pickles are or something .lol i just don’t know how to fix it
@Donnie’s groovy glasses Hmmmmm, sounds kinda similar to a form of ptsd from the trauma.
I think exposure therapy will help you. Try getting into anonymous voice calls with people, with no stakes. I mean you are talking to me in a public forum on social media rn so the stakes actually way higher (But still not that high LOL!) than talking to a random person over voice on like a chatroom or something. Just realize that even if someone calls you are stupid fucking retarded loser beta faggot monkey pickle chin ass bleach demon bitch, it really means nothing, they are just words, and the only bearing it has on you is self-imposed and within your own mind. Once you realize that and internalize that way of thinking (for all NON-CONSTRUCTIVE criticisms) that's how you get over a large part of your primal fears of not being accepted.
If you find you have nothing to talk about part of the self love and worth comes from achievement and accomplishing something. Sometimes that accomplishment is just getting out of bed and showering. Sometimes it's cleaning their room, sometimes their house. Try not to compare yourself to others but instead to who you were yesterday or last week or even last month. Small incremental steps in self-confidence/worth exponentially increase.
If you find you have nothing to talk about with random people, try out new hobbies and research topics you are interested in then try to find like minded people/groups. I've learned so many things I can talk about interesting things with anyone from any walk of life or profession easily, so socializing is incredibly easy AND engaging for me. If you don't know anything, just being curious and absorbing what they have to share/teach you in earnest is great too.
The best piece of life advice I ever got was "Don't tell yourself how you can't; tell yourself how you can."
P.S. You only fail when you have given up, everything else is just a learning experience, you have simply learned what not to do. You got this, go call some random people right now. Even if you think it went bad it actually went great because you tried! Just like a new player in a video game you may get clapped a few times but the master has lost more times than the novice has ever attempted! :)
@X thank you!
I'll just echo what others said and just invest time in your own growth. Don't wait for a partner to do that for you. But practically speaking, invest time in hobbies that involve other people (sports, games, DND, etc). Find a bar or lounge or cafe to be a regular at. Go for walks at parks and such. Be out in the world and become more comfortable with that first. Get comfortable with being uncomfortable. No one can break into your house and meet you. Apps are useless. Build friendships and community and the rest will come. Give yourself the love you are looking for in a boyfriend. Boyfriends are a lot of work and most will suck the life out of you tbh. There are good ones out there (like mine lol). But go in eyes wide open about what that means. For most men, after the love bomb phase, they want a mommy bang maid and who you are as an individual disappears (I'm assuming you're a woman so apologies if i'm mistaken). Good luck <3
@Kayla⟡ I am a woman and yes I definitely need to get out the house more, I’m getting a job after my vacation and hopefully that will help a little! My main thing is I don’t drink alcohol or coffee I also don’t like sports I think dnd might be fun though! Maybe I will look into that!
@Kayla⟡ also omg I love the look of your profile it’s so pretty!
Adding onto what others have said.. definitely keep self-respect with you. You can attract guys, but these guys might not exactly be the kind you're looking for. There's TONS of people out there that look to take advantage of those that aren't confident in themselves, especially in relationships. A relationship is the LAST place you should people-please, keep your boundaries firm!! Doing this from the start will help weed out the bad eggs before you ever consider dating them!
Stop looking!! The more you worry and search, the more likely you will find people who aren't for you or you'll rush into something that isn't for the best. I found my husband because my friend wanted to do acid at her partner's friend's house. I had never done acid anywhere but my own home, so I got out of my comfort zone and went. I wasn't looking for anybody, as I had just gotten out of a physically abusive partnership. Prior to that partnership, it was constant searching; dating apps, raves, online relationships that went nowhere. Or people that got me in bad situations. But then I met him, on a whim, with no prior motives in mind. We're now 6 years into our relationship, married 2025 
You'll know you've found the right one when it happens. Good luck!!
You must be logged in to reply.