It feels like I’m doomed to not make any new friends this decade. I began my friend making adventure in 2021 after having isolated myself for 4 years. I had cut things off with someone who wasn’t doing me any favors, so I figured it was the perfect opportunity to socialize again.
It seems like every time I come across someone who interests me, something has to happen. They either get busy, or end up with partners so they no longer have time for you. Other times, things go great until they start to drift apart for seemingly no reason. I know it sounds selfish, but it happens so often that it almost feels like a cruel joke.
And the friends I have made, well, unfortunately none of those friendships have really lasted for more than 2-3 years, due to either the reasons I mentioned above, or because there were conflicts that we could never work out, so it was better to just end things off. I do sometimes doubt if I’m a good friend or if I truly do suck at keeping my relationships.
I admit I’ve always been super picky about who gets to be my friend, I’m not really the type to get along with any person, I have a particular set of standards. I have been making an effort to at least lower the barrier to entry, as of a few years ago I was even pickier about things like age. I need to teach myself to be more tolerant and understand that I’m never gonna agree with every single thing others do.
And to make matters worse, I often go into these really annoying moments where I simply can’t get myself to socialize. Even the thought of approaching someone feels ridiculously exhausting, and I’m not sure why it happens. Replying to messages feels like a Herculean task. My mind is so focused on other things that, even if I wanted to make friends, my stupid brain just doesn’t let me. Argh.
I need to start doing something about it, and I’m still figuring out what I can do. I fear that the same cycle of meeting someone, then being really into one another only to then just leave without reason happens again. I’m not really looking for advice, I just wanted to air out my frustrations. I hope I can get back to socializing like always one of these days, and hopefully sooner than later.
