Enough already, I can’t take it anymore. I thought I’d be able to get through high school without friends and that friendship was overrated, but I’ve realized I depend on it. I hate my damn school, and it’s not just because no one shares my interests, but also because no one’s ever interested in being friends with me, and that’s awful. Everyone’s already in their little cliques, and if I try to fit in, I look like a weirdo forcing intimacy, It’s horrible and exhausting, and then there’s the fact that the people in this class are awful—they do and say horrible things. If you’re different from them, you’re considered horrible. Seriously, LGBT people wouldn’t survive here; trans people wouldn’t survive; autistic people wouldn’t survive; people with disabilities and anyone else would suffer terribly at this school. I don’t usually get bullied here, but that doesn’t mean I like seeing it happen. The friends I used to have here cut me off without explanation, out of the blue, and I only have one online friend—WHO USED TO BE MY EX. The only person who can still make me even a little happy is my boyfriend, who goes to school with me (in different classes) and works with me, but sometimes… I catch myself feeling jealous of the dozens of friends he has, and then I feel even worse. I can’t stand being at school anymore just to pretend I’m studying and wait for all the classes to end.
Translated with DeepL.com (free version)