I don't like the person i've become.

I want to be the person i know i can be. I've changed so much and yet i don't like myself. I want to be a better version of myself, because i hate the person i've become over the last few years. I want to be kinder, more social and pretty. I want to be someones crush for once, i want to be someones light. I want look and myself and admire myself, not grimace at my ugliness. I want to cross someones path and make their day. I want someone to appreciate me, to believe when someone compliments me. I just want to be more than who i am now. I want to grow, i want to change. I'm gross and perverted, but i want to be wonderful and see the good in everyone.

I want to be who i could've been.

i view myself with such disgust sometimes... and there's times where i genuinely hate myself and ponder whats wrong with me and how my life could've been different. i wish i was different in many ways, i'm afraid to talk to people, sometimes i may come off as rude or cold. in many ways, i'm disgusted at how i am.

but, that doesn't mean things can't change. i have ambitious plans for the future and i have hobbies that bring me joy. i focus on the things and people who make me happy, because as long as you have them, you don't really need anyone's approval. i'm very thankful for my friends and family, even though sometimes i may take them for granted. i know things are going to get better eventually if i work towards what i want, and i think that's a good mindset to have.

and for what it's worth, i think you're a very cool person. i'm thankful for the online friends i met and continue to talk to, and i think you have a lot of really cool interests. there is no reason to hate yourself. focus on your hobbies, focus on yourself, focus on accomplishing the things you want to accomplish in your life.

no one is perfect, but you don't need to be perfect. just be yourself.

I feel the same too to be honest unfortunately.

I gotta admit but I'm quite dealing with depression.

... (I don't wanna give some details why.) I'm at point of my life where everything is very uncertain if things are gonna be better because everything is quite in ruins.

I'm far off from where I and my life used to be and I have lots of regrets.

I wish I could just go back in time and start all over again, but unfortunately there's not much I can do at this point.

 I honestly feel the same way as you, people who tend to deal with lots of anxious thoughts/be wary of other people, we tend to treat others in harsh ways or avoid becoming closer to them because we are afraid what that closure may entail, but  I  truly believe everyone has the chance to become better, but that won't be decided by other people.

Is a long and painful process and you will get ego death constantly but it is worth it because it WILL make you happier.