gym experiences

i want to get on a routine of going to the gym but i mostly feel so unmotivated i don't bother. i do feel more motivated than usual today though and i just got back. i typically spend around 30 minutes at the gym, and i want to get into a routine of going at least 1-2 times a week.

often whenever i'm in there i feel out of place, there's all these muscular dudes and then there's just scrawny me. i often feel like i'm not using the machines or doing certain workouts right, but i still do them to the best of my ability and i still manage to get a good workout in. 

when i first went a few years back i was told i was doing a workout wrong, and i think it's because i have back problems (i think scoliosis) and it looked like i was doing it wrong. i'm a bit worried something like that happens again, but i think i'm doing things right.

i went to my dad's gym recently, with him, and he told me certain exercises he does,  and it definitely helps. i want to really get on a routine, not only to be physically stronger (i've always been seen as weak by my peers, i feel), but also for my mental health and, well, my back too probably.

i honestly can't even name most of the parts of my limbs and i feel like mr. bean walking around in the gym sometimes, but i feel like my biceps are getting bigger and i'm also trying to do exercises for my wrist, specifically my left wrist, since it feels weak. i think it may be due in part of me breaking my left wrist in high school once. 

I was in the same spot for the longest time, honestly every now and then I still slip back into insecurity as a smaller guy too, but don't let that discourage you. I also got scoliosis and training back used to be miserable for me. I just kept at it and it's honestly not all that noticeable. Probably a case by case thing on that end, though. 

One thing I've learned over going to the gym in person is that nobody really cares or is looking at you despite what you're thinking. If they are, it's usually just waiting on you for whatever equipment you're using or something along those lines. What helped me a lot when I started going was going really late at night about an hour or so before closing. I'd come home from work, take a nap, go to the gym, eat, then go back to bed. That way, there'd be fewer people to worry about and more freedom to just wander around and get acquainted with everything. I'd take advantage of hardly anybody being there and just try random equipment and exercises blindly and see if I liked them or not. 

I still do typically go at night, but I'm now unbothered about going during the day or when it's packed. I'm still a fairly small guy, so I probably do look a little out of place, but at the same time, at least at my gym, there's just as many guys that look just like me as there are guys who've got a ton of muscle packed on. It took me a while, probably going consistently 3 times a week for like two months before I fully got over my nerves, but it's possible.

If you want to find easier avenues to creating a plan for yourself like what you want to focus on, what to eat or avoid, etc. I always recommend trainer winny and Matos on youtube. trainer winny's iceberg videos are good for weighing out the pros & cons for every exercise and helped me a lot. Matos has less serious videos but they're still good for specifications on some stuff, common myths spread about, or straight up scams just posited by fitness content creators.