if you know me irl (i put you on this site) please dont read this. i hate it when ppl know about my feelings bc i do not want to talk abt it with you. ik i cant stop you but please please please dont. or if you do just dont mention it. please.
i have this massive urge to just drop all of my friends and be alone for the rest of the year.
its all bc of one insanely damaging experience with ONE bitch but of course its making me think all my other friends are exactly like her in secret.
They're nice, but I just have this nagging feeling that on the inside they either all hate me or are using me for something. Idk what it could possibly be but it must be something.
I feel like the backup constantly. I'm only worth hanging out with if there isn't someone better to talk to. If you don't value me as much as I value you, just leave me alone.
I'd rather be alone with no friends than be forced to hang out with a bunch of people who are waiting for the perfect moment to ditch and find someone they like more.
"I love Kuriketto!" "Oh yeah, Kuri is so cool" am I though? am i really so cool? do you really actually like me? I know you're only saying that because I'm in earshot. I wish i was back with my old friend because at least she would just tell me to shut up instead of pretending she was interested in what I have to say.
I have no proof that they think this way, but a gut feeling is close enough. And if I've learned anything from how my old friend treated me, I know for a fact everyone wants something. "Can i have a bite of that?" "Can you help me with this assignment?" "I hate my life, ughh" "(venting)"
why do people only talk to me to vent? thats another thing, I'm just an emotional dumping ground for everyone to drop their shit on. I never consented to hearing about how much you hate your life or how you think you're treated unfairly at home or how you hate your parents or hate your brother or hate your dad or step mom or step dad or sister or dog or ANYTHING. please be quiet. im begging you just stop venting to me. the best i can do is say "thats unfortunate" or ask if you want a hug.
Also, once someone made a joke about "tolerating me" but it didnt feel like a joke to me. "I tolerate you, hahahahahahahaha" is it really a joke bro? dont lie ik youre just telling the truth without acting like it.
okay im done now. maybe someday ill talk abt my ex friend but its kinda hard for me to even think abt her without becoming upset.