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Attachment Styles

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SigmaLandiGoon
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I've been researching attachment styles and I am quite intrigued to hear stuff from the community. Which one do you guys have, how do you tell which one you have, and can they ever change from one negative to another? (e.g. instead of anxious to secure, it would be anxious to avoidant.). 

I think throughout all of my relationships I've been anxiously attached, but I'm starting to also experience signs of an avoidant. I want my own space and start to feel suffocated and bottle up my feelings. I also don't trust to let those feelings out and really be vulnerable sometimes, but in fear of upsetting my partner, and I freeze up when being confronted about my feelings, sweeping them under the rug or saying they aren't there. However, I still don't want "just casual" (of course I don't), I have low-self esteem and I can be (or used to be idk anymore) overdependent on my partner, as my mood depended on how she was feeling. I'm also aware of every change in tone or the general vibe. I don't know if that's my style changing or if I am fearful (Anxious avoidant) attached. I also read that having a fearful attachment is rather uncommon, so I'd stick with the anxious label.


Let me know down below what you guys are and if you relate to this, and correct me if I'm wrong on anything!! ;w;

X
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I'm secure. Yes they can change depending on experiences or concious thought and self neural programming/consious patterns of thinking. Most people have secure attachment. (65%) IIRC. Your default attachment style typically comes from how your parents and especially your mother treated you/tended to you in the first couple years of your life. 

If you have really bad/absent and abusive parents you are much more likely to have a disorganized attachment style. (10%)

After writing this much I figured I'd just go find the data for you, doesn't hurt to refresh my memory anyways. :P

SigmaLandiGoon
in reply to #2349 Link

@X

I see. Is it sort of bad I can't really remember the earlier years of my life? i tried recalling them because of the attachment theory so I could properly determine my attachment style, but everything i recall feels like I'm making up a lie and I'm not too sure of it actually. I think my mother's behavior somewhat corresponded to the behavior of an anxious attachment's though. She was never consistent, or sometimes busier with other things. Then other times she wouldn't leave me alone and was in my space more than i wanted her to be. Thank you for this chart, as it really clears up some of the confusion I've had. I think I was solely relying on how I was feeling and not the reasonings behind it.

X
in reply to #2350 Link

@SigmaLandiGoon It depends on how early you are talking. 0-2, maybe 3 yeah that's pretty normal not to remember that. But 4? 5? You should remember that stuff, at least vaguely. But everyone genetically has different mental abilities, temperments, and development rates/caps so it just depends. If you wish to be securely attached the first best thing you can do it hone skills to assure that you can take care of yourself and others. Basically being useful/knowledgable on valuable things. The other tech is to use positive self talk (useful for many other great things in your life too) and continuing to have faith/trust in people despite the fact that you will get burned eventually by some of them. (I don't mean to make yourself as vulnerable as possible on purpose, but extending your hand and assuming that you will know that person for life until proven otherwise is the best strat for solid long term healthy relationships.)

Also if you ever find yourself trying to psychologically internally "pre-minimize" a loss of a relationship that's a dangerous pattern to have.


SigmaLandiGoon
in reply to #2351 Link

@X

I understand. I don't really remember anything from earlier than 7, and even then i think the age may be wrong. I only remember really significant stuff and it's usually bad. Anyways, thank you for the advice on how to better myself. I WILL be taking this advice nice cool stranger fella.

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