I heard there are various types of OCD. This is a subject I haven’t really touched yet, I’ve only seen one subtype manifest in cleanliness, order, and rigid morals(moral scrupulosity is leaning on ocpd though..)
I could always research this, but it’s nice to also get information from a good source. How does your OCD manifest/affect you in your life?
My OCD mainly manifests in morality and contamination. I can’t touch things other people have touched or worn without feeling dirty/contaminated, and it stops me from sharing food, drinks, or even seats in a car. I usually get rid of the feeling by putting the touched area into something that has MY germs in it, or by burning the area. Like if I accidentally touched a shirt my brothers wear I’d probably put my hand under roasting water. Not enough to seriously burn me but enough to hurt so it ‘purified’ the area. And if I’m in a car and accidentally touch my dad’s hand, and there’s no water around me, I will rub the affected spot on my trousers or jacket so it‘a covered in ‘me’ again. There are some people who I’m less bothered by but I still might get grossed out if it’s something sensitive like food.
With my morality, I have to re-think every single action I do to see if it was morally just or not. I don’t do things that could be seen as immoral unless I am 100% sure that in a discussion between two people, I would come out on top as the correct one. Sadly my morality ocd is shit because I end up doing bad things anyways without knowing due to my mediocre emotional intelligence and lack of care for humanity. I often replay scenarios where I have been wrong over and over and over again in my head because it feels as if I have to give my mistakes a large amount of attention, and it’s bad if I don’t. I often get sick thinking about things like this. The compulsion that comes from this is admitting things constantly, trying to rationalise, accusing myself of doing terrible things and fixating on small incidents, blowing it out of proportion because my brain thinks that I did something terrible with it when in reality it’s very small, and the focus was the only thing making it look bad.
I also have some unrelated compulsions. I know some people with OCD have beliefs behind their compulsions but I do not. I slam doors, flicker lights, type things over and over again just to delete it for no exact reason. It just feels like I have to and I get really antsy if I don’t do it. I’ve been trying to stop the more useless compulsions by simply not doing it and sometimes it goes away which is good.
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