TW**
Can anyone that’s been in a relationship with a narcissist/ verbally, mentally, emotionally abusive person give me advice either on what you did to stop letting how he talks to me/ what he doesn’t or doesn’t do effect me or how life has been since you left them. When he yells and curses at me even though all I am is nice to him and cater to him or when he gives me the silent treatment after confronting him on boundaries he’s repeatedly crossed a thousands times and then him flipping out on me or just even gently saying I wish he would listen when I talk and then him ignoring me for hours, the being mean to me and watching me cry with no reaction or care, then him randomly going back and forth between mean and cold and nice and thoughtful multiple times in the same day or even in the same hour effect me so much. It’s like how he is with me, if he talks to me nicely or not, etc dictates my entire day or even week depending on how long he decides to keep up the act until he wants something but then he also expects me to be over it as soon as he decides to be (though he has nothing to get over it’s just when he decides to stop giving me the silent treatment) and the loop repeats if I act in any way or say that I’m not over it. I’m also the one who apologizes even though I didn’t do or say anything to warrant an apology, just so hopefully he’ll talk to me and be nice to me again sooner rather than later.
I don’t know, I don’t necessarily want to leave but it hurts to stay too, sometimes he’s great and so nice and caring but the rest of the times he’s not, he’s yelling and cursing at me, when all I am is nice to him and cater to him, do everything in the house, even though I’m the one that has multiple chronic illnesses and need very extensive and risky surgery soon (there’s no treatment to what I have) and I have chronic pain/ flares and episodes and I’m also in the middle of getting diagnosed with multiple other ones. He’s also really mean and neglectful to our dogs that he wanted and begged for in the first place and I was against it because I knew what was gonna happen but he didn’t listen to me… they get all the love and care from me but it’s like he’s only nice to them when he feels like it and it’s mostly he’s nice to our boy dog and really mean to our girl dog and I can’t rely on him to feed them or let them out when I’m not home but he is yet he’ll get mad and if they get into something or go to the bathroom inside. He wasn’t working for over a year, bc he keeps getting fired from jobs he blames it on other people though, but I found him a really nice job where he’s on his own 95% of the time but anyways so up until September I was the one working and he was at home did nothing but stay home play video games and cheat and get off to other women but I was still expected to come home from my job do all the house cleaning, laundry, clean up his trash, take care of the dogs, make dinner…, I mean this man literally wouldn’t eat unless I put stuff away that he could quickly microwave or fast food and that if he wasn’t too lazy to get up and put it in the microwave but then of course he would leave the tupper in the sink for me to clean the utensil he used to put it in the plate with and then whatever he used to eat and drink with would be left in the room for me to clean.
There’s so much more but it’s causing my mental health to get bad again and I feel like I’m going insane with the hot and cold, walking on eggshells, and him gaslighting me and lying about everything. I was also diagnosed with multiple mental health things at a young age do to childhood trauma/ abuse and so he’s really triggering me because this is how my dad would act towards me and it’d be my responsibility to fix it or just drop it when he decided he wanted to pretend he didn’t do or say what he did… so anyways when my partner does all of these things because of my depression and OCD and anxiety I usually do something to TW** harm myself in some shape or form and the su*c*dal thoughts and ocd loop when I see something that could end my life won’t stop until he talks to me again/ is nice to me and I hate that he has this control over me**TW. Like today I planned on rearranging/ re organizing our room bc well that’s something my mind always goes to when I’m looking for things to be less chaotic in my life and to calm my mind and I also wanted to start making my knight headpiece for Halloween… and that didn’t happen I sat in bed crying 70 percent of the day bc earlier today he FaceTime me at work bc he works alone outside and we were talking… I asked if he could listen to me when I talk after he asked a question that I’ve repeatedly talked about/ answered numerous times in the last 2 weeks but yet was going to proceed to answer it anyway but he didn’t even give me the chance, he said yeah that’s it goodbye hung up on me and just watched me FaceTime 8 times and text twice and then not talk to me until hours later when he said I’ll be home late. Then since he’s been home he’s been yelling and cursing at me again and responding very rudely when I’m just asking if he wants anything, would like medicine etc bc he’s sick…. Like gonna jump forward here bc this is already so long but he cursed at me over DoorDash bc he couldn’t decide so he threw the phone towards me, he tells me not to tell him what I pick for him I say I can’t do that( bc he’s sick, Idk what type of food he can handle rn/ portion size, etc) so he curses at me multiple times to give the phone back then he started getting mad at the phone and DoorDash saying he just won’t eat and so I asked if It was doing what it did to me last night when I ordered food for my younger sister through our DoorDash ( payment not going through despite there being more than enough money on the card) and he very rudely saying what and instead of reacting or repeating I just said okay and he goes yeah I like that option better( like me not speaking) it’s also affecting my eating, I either binge eat snack(s) or won’t eat at all or enough… which is exactly what happened again today but it also domino effects my illnesses and triggers them .