i'm sick of this

why is it that i can never find a girl who like people like me ? like i'm so sick of some people in the lesbian and bisexual community only going after the big chested and bigger areas. it generally peeves me off. yes i understand its a personal preference but i feel like  most of the queer community only cares about looks just like cis straight people. i can not for the life of me find someone who will love me for me instead of a personal object to pick out of. i'm sick of it and we as a whole community need to do better. i want someone to love me even if i don't have those attributes because i don't have them and its pissing me off that every time i like someone its a girl who likes big chested women only like yes they are pretty but we need to actually love that person for who they are. i am not saying all of the queer community is like this but its quite a lot. and before you come after me for comparing the queer community straight people that's how most of you act. again this is based off MY experience. (i did post this on blogs so what)

First of all, sorry for the wall of text! 😅 But I wanted to share my thoughts because I think there's something much bigger behind what you're describing, and I completely understand why you're frustrated.

We live in a society that has taught us to look at people almost like products: comparing, selecting, judging and constantly measuring everyone against some imaginary ideal of beauty. And unfortunately, that mindset doesn't magically disappear just because we're part of a queer community.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with having physical preferences. We're all attracted to different things. But there's a huge difference between being attracted to someone and reducing them to a collection of physical attributes. A human being isn't a shopping list of body parts.

I think we've become so accustomed to superficial standards that we've sometimes forgotten what attraction and intimacy are actually about: someone's personality, their humour, their sensitivity, their way of thinking, the way they make us feel, and all those little things that make someone irreplaceable.

And honestly, I think one thing worth considering is stepping away from social media when it comes to finding someone. Social platforms can make everything feel like a catalogue. You scroll through pictures, judge someone in a matter of seconds, compare appearances and move on to the next person. It's almost as if we're shopping for a partner rather than getting to know another human being.

Real connections don't necessarily happen through a perfectly curated profile or a photograph. Sometimes they happen unexpectedly, through a conversation, a shared interest, a laugh, a chance encounter or simply spending time together. In real life, you get to discover someone's voice, expressions, humour, personality and all the little details that a screen could never communicate.

I'm not saying social media can't lead to beautiful relationships, of course it can! But perhaps we shouldn't let it become our only way of meeting people or our standard for judging someone's worth.And please, don't start believing there's something wrong with your body just because it doesn't fit someone else's preferences. You shouldn't have to change yourself, compete with other women or meet some imaginary beauty standard to deserve affection.

You deserve to be loved as a whole person, not as a body that happens to tick somebody's boxes.
I genuinely hope you find someone who sees beyond all those superficial expectations and appreciates you for everything you are. And don't settle for being someone's physical preference when what you deserve is to be someone's favourite person. ❤️

before people take this out of context i'm saying that people shouldn't go after people for their attributes but for who they are as a person please understand

You know, I also think that sometimes people are just giving you excuses. But trust me, if someone only cares about your appearance, move on.

A pretty face or a beautiful body won't give you the biggest laughs of your life, staying up until 4 AM talking about absolutely everything, or that feeling that you'd take on the entire world for someone.

It's all those little things that build a genuine connection: the chemistry, the humour, the endless conversations, the completely ridiculous moments and, most importantly, being able to be yourself without having to play a part.

And that's something I really want to talk about: being yourself actually means something!

It means being able to make absolutely terrible jokes, even the ones that make other people uncomfortable. It means being a little absent-minded, clumsy, having interests nobody understands, talking for three hours about something you're passionate about, laughing for no reason or sometimes having absolutely nothing to say.

You shouldn't have to monitor every little thing you do, carefully calculate every word or constantly try to fit into someone else's expectations. You shouldn't have to play a character just to be liked.

Personally, I'd much rather be around someone who makes me laugh with a terrible joke, goes off on the most random tangents and embraces all their little quirks than someone who's constantly trying to be perfect.

So instead of thinking, "Why doesn't she want me?", try thinking, "Well, good! That's time I won't be wasting! NEXT!" 😂

Don't waste your energy trying to convince someone of your worth. The right person won't need a sales pitch to understand why you're worth getting to know.

Don't censor yourself to please others. Don't shrink your personality to fit someone's preferences. The right people won't just tolerate your little quirks; they'll appreciate them too.

And if someone can't handle them? Oh well! There are billions of people on this planet. You really don't have to spend your life trying to impress the ones who simply aren't right for you.

You deserve someone you can be completely yourself around, unfiltered, unapologetic and without being afraid of being a little weird. ❤️

I totally get what youre saying and its honestly so sad to see it so much, especially in the queer community. sometimes I can't wrap my head around it because I cant imagine being with someone if they dont have a nice personality or aren't a really nice person you know? but maybe thats just me. Of course everyones allowed to have their own preferences but I really wish more people paid attention to who people are and not just what they look like :( 

I think the problem is also deeply connected to the evolution of social media. I've been around since before, during and after that transformation, and I've genuinely witnessed how much people's mindsets and behaviours have changed.

Nowadays, social media has become this permanent showcase where so many people seem obsessed with being the hottest, the prettiest, the richest, having the nicest cars, the best clothes and displaying the most incredible lifestyle possible.

When you're exposed to that every single day, sometimes for almost all of your free time, you eventually start absorbing those standards as if they were completely normal. Your perception becomes conditioned to compare, desire and constantly look for something better instead of appreciating what's actually in front of you.

What do you mean you don't own a Lamborghini? What do you mean you don't look like that person on Instagram? What do you mean you don't have the perfect body? It's almost as if these things have become basic requirements!

And the saddest part is that this mindset doesn't stop when it comes to finding a partner. Even some people who are already in relationships keep looking elsewhere, comparing their partners to others or cheating, as if they're constantly convinced there's something better waiting around the corner.

Obviously, I'm not saying everyone is like this, but I feel like we've gradually lost some of our ability to appreciate simple things and love people for who they actually are.

We're so busy trying to live a life that looks like an advertisement that we've almost forgotten how to live our own.