How to cut hair incl. the back (yes the BACK) except we do ANYTHING but cutting it

First and foremost fffuuuckkkkk do I look uncanny and weird in the first few minutes and secondly, initially I wanted to lock in and cut my hair another billion times, forgot that I had to do the back as well, had to construct an entire apparatus and I also have insufferable ticks where I constantly do this weird movement with my nose or shut my eyes very tightly. Ignore that. I also bite and pick on my lips a lot or flip my piercings from one side 2 the other. Ignore that too. And I couldn't record half of the footage either. Lmao ok have fun watching