#1 -Figuring Life Out-

Hello everyone!

I've always wanted to start a blog or a digital diary of some kind, because I think a LOT. Like so many thought going thru my mind at all times that it sometimes feel unbearable. So this is all gonna be mainly for me bc i don't think many people will see it and if they do it'll help me get over the 'everyone hates me' mentality lol ;-;

I don't have life figured out in the slightest, and I never felt like I did. I have a goal right now which is better then what it use to be. As I started working again last week my plan is to save up enough money for a nice birthday present for my boyfriend. I'll try and get him something small for the actual day but I also want to get him something nice later on since he's been so patient and understanding while I wasn't working. But the long term goal is to save up enough money so I don't have to financially rely on my boyfriend.

Being back in work feels weird but the same, ( I got my old job back so I know everyone there) it's like I never left but I also feel like an imposter if that makes sense. I know all the tasks I have to do and I know the shop inside and out, but idk something feels off. My mind is probably just not fully in the work atmosphere yet. It is nice to see everyone again though, they all seemed happy to have me back right in time for the busy holiday season, so that's good. And I think being back in work will help me take my life seriously again. For the last 6 months all I've done is sit at home and play games... At the beginning I was so happy to finally be done with work and spend more time with my boyfriend and play games with my friends, but in the last month or two it really started to hit me that I'm going nowhere with my life. As I struggle with depression, staying home every day really wasn't good for me. And it unfortunately started to show. I gained weight, lost interest in the games I use to love, slept more and barely had a day where I felt good mentally. 

BUT! I'm better now so I'm gonna declare that me starting work again is a start of a new chapter in my life. And starting this blog. I'll try to write daily. Hopefully haha. 

In other news, I only have 4 more driving lessons left and then I can take my test! I'm actually so excited to start driving on my own. And fingers crossed I pass on the first try bc I really don't wanna have to waste more money and do it again ;-;

That's all for today,

Bye :P