10/30, 05:55

I literally hate the fight-flight-freeze-or-fawn response.

I've never done the fight or flight aspects of the reflex since I primarily fawn or freeze but it's really annoying.

I feel like I portray this image that I'm always indifferent and I don't exactly care for others opinions (which I don't, but I do enjoy to hear what other people think about in alike topics that I have an opinion on, I just have very little I care about overall so..) but it feels like the second I fawn or freeze I look more like some "traumatized" kid than anything.

I would say I'm not THAT traumatized, but lots of people have said the opposite so I can't really base any opinion over that fact.. it's just angering that I'll let myself be disrespected and scolded for stuff that isn't my fault because I fawn or freeze rather than fight.

After it I'll be thinking about the moment for hours and what I wish I said or did, but the second it happens again my brain goes into this overload that if I don't comply or if I don't stay still and listen or obey then I'll get hurt -- even if whoever is speaking to me cannot legally hurt me. I physically feel myself shrink slightly and it feels I can't look the person in the eye because I feel so guilty and anxious.

It's LITERALLY driving me insane because I don't people-please but when I fawn I feel like I need to do whatever they say and never ask any questions on why -- like literally the quote of, 'If I tell you to jump, you ask 'How High?'" because otherwise I feel like I'm bad and scared I disappointed them.