10/9/2026

i might uh do the subject like in dates instead bc sometimes i can't think of a title for the life of me. anyways ive been overthinking a lot about my life. i have no one to talk to about it so i decided to just talk about it here. as the months go by the more anxious i get knowing that college is right around the corner. im honestly worried. i still haven't wrote that appeal letter. i don't know whether i should or not. what would happen if i didn't? 

im worried i might fuck things up in my life over one thing that's stressing me out. college. my family hasn't giving up on me going they still want me to go next year but i don't know if i can do this. i really don't think college is for me. most people my age know what they wanna do for a career and pursue in that career and there's other people like me who have no idea what they want to do. what if i just never find out what i want to be? i see all these careers and i get stressed tf out.

 there's some i could probably see myself doing but it's not enough for my family. they always tell me how it won't be good enough or how they can't see me doing that. how it won't make me enough money to be successful and such. but i would rather do something that im interested in then do something i hate for years just to make a living. 

while everyone is doing their own thing i see through the lines. i don't want to do what everybody else is doing. i don't want to follow the same path that my family took. they keep telling me that college or trade school is the only thing i can do but that's just not true. what if i said that i just wanted a normal peaceful life? i don't have to worry about going to college or worrying about a career. i can just have a regular job making money. i know it won't be easy at all but it's still something. i make money and i save up yk? 

my family thinks that im gonna get an apartment or house and have kids and all these things which im not. why you might say? because i already see how hard it is for people that have apartments and houses. all these bills and rent they have to pay. it's expensive as fuck. with an apartment it's never truly yours because you're living with other people and if you don't have the rent money prepared and ready to give the landlord you're screwed and lose the apartment. with a house it's the same thing. 

it might be yours but if you don't have enough money to pay the bills you lose your house it's as simple as that. as for the whole kids thing i just don't see myself having kids or a family of my own. i know some people my age have kids already but in this day in age this is the worst time to even have kids. it's too much. but i mean kudos to those who do and try to make it work it just ain't for me. i wanna be free without that responsibility. i want to break out of this traditional box or cycle that society has created or wants everyone to do. 

dude i literally wanna live in like an rv. everything i have is in there. sure it's not people's ideal way of living but to me this is everything i want. everything i need. pure freedom. not just that but i wanna travel the world and see sights i haven't seen and be my true authentic self. that's all i want. 

sometimes when i think of that it just feels like a dream because how could that possibly become true? i feel stuck and lost and still don't know what to do. im sick and tired of my family and all i wanna do is just fucking leave this place. im currently working on getting my driver license hopefully i get it before next year and if not i'll just have to keep on working on it. i really do feel behind compared to everyone else it's laughable honestly im nowhere where i want to be yet. sometimes i don't even know if im gonna make it but all i could do is try my best.