#2

ttrigger warning for sosomethign idontknow anymor

i am a mesrightnow i can abrely tuype

i dontknow iwho will seethis or if anyon caresto see it

i feel horribl andicky

my head hasbeen pulsing sinc estyerday

i coudltnget sleep

i was so hot that it hurtmy hands

istatrred disasocciating

i talked to a fuckignflower and i wasnt even verbally talkingit was all in my head

dranktea and it did nothing

asked for help and icgot told i hav a fuckiggn 'small fever'

ieither it is justa small fever andikm overreacting or th world stoopedme so low to the point i feel useless and hopelessand blamed it as a small fever

i feel lslike shit

i want to ikill myself but i donthav the guts to do iit

iwant to help andbe kind to people but i caant or barely cantt

i want to bemornormal

normal

i wanttobe normal

i wantmy dad back my actual dad

amaybe he wouldv cared

cared how i felt

cared i was traans

cared aboutmy well being

imtoo scare to tlak to my grandparents about it because i dont want them oto think im crazy or dramatic or to disown me

im fucking illegal forwanting to be a BOY im considering the same rank as neo-nazi's or some bullshit

i can barely breath and uf i do i wheez or cough

standing uhurts

blinking hurts

not blinking hurts

hshutting my eyes hurts

everythinng hurts so bad i want to die without knowing anybodyknew

mayb its just a quick thing and im gloomy becaus of hormones

but i slowly started to not want to get up and do anything

nothing im doing is fun

it doesnt bringme any joy

all i am ispain

i hurt

andhwo knows im some guy on the internet whosgoing to believ me anywyas

im either delusional or physco or both

i dont wnt to be anywhere i dont want to anything with anyone

besides Alex

i love alexxhes .nice

he cares.

hecaresalot 

but nothign is helping

i flinch at the mirror becaus of my own body

becaus im too fat

becausee imtnot perfect

i cant fit through th bus isle well

and ihate it but no one stopped me from stealing food

imighthav a eating disorderidkont eanymkr

buut iall i can thnink about are the flawws

and im to lazyto do shit other thhan starve myself

idont know whwat dto do with my life

idont know if ill make it

make it stop