#2

I feel so weird today I just could not stop my mind from falling into a void of thoughts I hung out with sum friends tonight we went hiking than came back to my house and made pancakes it was going great I didn't feel so alone a good hour or something like that went by and I started to feel really weird I just didn't wanna speak and kept looking at my phone acting like I was doing something I would say same words here and there in my mind I really didn't think I was making since maybe I was I don't know they left around 3 so like a bit ago this just happened and I just need to get this off my chest because I don't wanna just keep this in my mind I don't know I just feel weird even as I'm typing this very moment a close friend of mine was texting me about things happening and I was trying my best to some what comfort them and I just didn't know what to do the words I were seeing just didn't make since and I don't know how to reply I feel like a horrible person I wish I didn't feel so weird at the moment maybe I could have helped them feel a bit better yet I just can't function at the moment and I really feel like I need to throw up and cry yet my body's not doing anything I'm just on my bed feeling this way the silence feels nice yet so uncomfortable the only sounds are my keyboard and the crickets I also keep thinking about what happened a couple days ago me and my two friend the same friends that saw the thing in that weird apartment we went to to film some videos in the forest near were we live we first went to some weird parking lot area and sat there for a bit it was pretty dark out well it was late at night but that was the only kinda time we could film out in the forest together as we were in the parking lot a car showed up a guy got out and pissed so we left to another area with a parking lot and me and one of my friends were kinda scared can't even lie it was really dark and we only had one flash light my other friend had to take a piss tho we didn't let them because me and other friend were creeped out and didn't want them to die or some also we both saw some weird metal flash from the trees so we left again to another area it was still close by but far enough we had some thoughts just to leave but we just ended up at another parking lot it didn't feel that scary that time we even flashed the light out the window we really thought we were good so my friend got out to piss and came back in we talked for awhile before we all got out together it was nice for a good minute we closed the doors and grouped together I started staring out into the forest trees just to hear something I thought it was the wind because it was really windy till the sound of heavy footsteps caught my ears pointing that out we panicked and started running to get in the car yet if the footsteps didn't already scares us to death when the footsteps started speeding up and getting closer it really scared us we all heard it in a panic we sped off away scared for our life's the realization something bad could have happened to us hit hard what ever that was didn't sound like a animal it was heavy and from the sound it only had two feet and that you could kinda see a silhouette from the tree line not a silhouette of a shadow a silhouette of the trees moving and how tall it was also more so the fact it picked up speed as we were in a panic to leave it puts fear into me even typing this out I feel so afraid and I still feel weird I don't even think I make any sense I feel so horrible at the moment I don't wanna bother anyone and talk about how I feel I just think I'll sound weird and scared with a mix of I'm weak also what if there going threw something and they need some I don't wanna put presser on anyone and be selfish 

I really think I'm losing myself more and more I hear footsteps outside and in my house right now I don't know if they're real or fake and I'm just balled up in my room overthinking I also can't stop coughing yet I'm not sick? I can't think straight at all I can't even reply to people this is awful I just don't want people to think I'm mean or anything like that or I'm texting weirdly this really is awful I don't feel real at all 

I keep thinking if I type all this out it will calm me down yet it really is not I still feel the same hopefully I can calm down soon and stop letting my mind play on a broken record so I can function just fine

                                                                                                                       -kalisiso