Hello. I feel like this is all i’ve been writing about lately and i apologize for that.. i’ve been doing pretty bad and finally leaving my abuser has totally gotten to me. If you haven’t been keeping up, i’m documenting my journey to becoming “normal” again since leaving my abuser of 5 years (i have older blogs that’s document the whole story.. check those out for context)
Genuinely all i can say is that i’m exhausted. I just want to finally have my abuser, his gf, his friends out of my life but they are genuinely just relentless. I’ve recently encountered a new obstacle in my recovery: endless pestering and harrassment. It’s not much different from the harrassment, biphobia, everything whatever i faced from their group while being friends with them, but the most infuriating part is that i haven’t done a single thing since. I’ve cut all contact and i haven’t interacted with them in the slightest and i’m still getting posts on posts and targeted things at me and genuinely i’m exhausted and hopeless. I would report them for harassment, but the legality is tricky, i would get revenge, but that’d just backfire on me, and i can’t ignore them because that has clearly done nothing to stop them.
The high of leaving has ended and i’m basically suffering. Which is probably pretty normal, i’m not completely hopeless because i believe i can get through this one way or another. It just feels impossible when i can’t fall asleep at night thinking about all the things they’re saying about me now or what i should’ve said or what i could’ve done to prevent this. And it’s all the illusion of choice, i couldn’t have changed anything and i just have to power through it.
as my last blog showed, i’m still getting petty posts aimed towards me like it’s the petty bitchy olympics
it’s just kinda gets to a point where i am just miserable and hopeless. I just want this to go away i don’t want to face them anymore, i’m not trying to interact with them i’m not doing anything to them. I keep being told to “ignore them” but genuinely it feels as though they chase me around. Even if they’re blocked or even if they block me it feels relentless
Here are the snaps from today (yes ironically i’m being bullied by a snapchat user…)
contexts:
screenshot 1: (copied from my last blog) there’s this really sweet pretty girl i know and i said “oh i love her she’s so pretty” and stuff along those lines.. which is the same way you’d say i’m in love with a song or a ice cream flavor. I’ve also used the term girl-crush a lot but literally that’s a PLATONIC TERM. 😭😭😭 sure maybe it doesn’t sound the best out of context but dude if i didn’t love my bf i’d leave
not to mention my abuser hated my bf, and genuinely got upset with me when i spoke good of him. literally if they’d talk shit about him i’d HAVE to agree with them in order to just be left alone about it. I’m transparent w my bf about everything and we are just sick of being harassed….
2: just me having sad playlists? she blocked me so idk why she’s reading up on them..
3: once again aimed at my bf to leave me.. ironic because they totally were hating on him for no reason before this… they did him dirty before the did ME dirty.
4&5: just playlists sayin stuff bout me after i spoke up against her..
funny enough i got yelled at by her for “stirring the pot” i haven’t DONE anything. I don’t stir the pot i want her to LEAVE ME ALONE. also spotify pity parties when she’s posting her own?? Of course there were more personal playlists but for the sake of her privacy i only included ones strictly aimed towards me… aside from online jabs they constantly talk shit and do other bs irl. They have genuinely lied over and over and taken things out of context and twisted stories just to throw them at me. All i did was just be honest with them btw. Constantly blaming me for things THEY did to me and trying to get inbetween me and my bf for no reason. I’m sick and tired i just want to be free from them.
hopefully next update it’ll be something positive LOL.
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