4/21/26 - Intense day at Spravato session!

Later on, once I started the session and was starting to trip balls, I was doing what I normally do - stretching/yoga while listening to positive affirmations and repeating them out loud. That video was still on my mind, and I pressed the call button in the hopes that one of the nurses (who I've known ever since starting Spravato years ago and who I love and feel close to) wasn't too busy and they could give me their take. One of them came in and told me that they were too busy, unfortunately.

Up until this point, this particular session (every session is interestingly different - who knows what kind of experience is going to be, though they have been overall much more enjoyable ever since I started listening to the positive affirmations) was very energetic and silly - I was joking around with the nurses and being silly. But then all of a sudden, I felt a cry coming. I never ever cry, not because I don't want to, but because I reflexively push the urge away. But since I was high, I encouraged myself to. The way I see it, crying is a lot like puking - it sucks, but it feels much better after it's done.

I ended up sobbing for like half an hour in this dark treatment room by myself while at the same time comforting myself and telling myself that I'm proud of myself. Other than some residual ruminations about the challenge, I came out of it feeling lighter and more at peace. It seemed like an important moment :)