7 . 17/09/26

haven't made a post in ages and unemployment is. A. CURSE. holy carp. time flies when you're too wimpy to leave the house and i reeeally need to make some sort of change instead of laying around reading or gaming. i've seen people implement their own personal curriculum to keep themselves busy and their brain active, so i might try it!! so as i try... and fail... to leave the house... i can still have something i can say i'm proud of! i really want to work around the dead / handle grief with people, i did a BTEC in health and social care because i wanted to work in a hospital setting to help people, but i'm on the spectrum and end up freaking people out no matter what i do, so i'd rather not stress me AND a patient out trying to socialise... :(. i ended up not being able to finish my last year because i was too scared and burnt out to leave the house and go to school, so i kinda silently dropped out. i was bummed out but i've had time to think and honestly i'm doing okay! well it's hard to leave the house but i left more often than before, i think working on my own terms and pace will help me get back on my feet, soo yeah. i have all the time in the world so why stress? i can start over again and again and again, it's comforting knowing i don't have to be locked in for one position for the rest of my life ^^;!

i'm thinking of making my personal curriculum surround death or any careers working near the deceased or grief stricken, because i've never actually dealt with death but i know people who have and have had really close encounters myself or with the people around me. i think getting to know death better will help me handle it better when it actually does affect me, and help me be better equipped to support others in grief. also, helps me write vampires, zombies and ghosts. super excited!!