9/29 | vent

TW /// mentions of like, , suicide and sh 

haa i forgot to make  a thingy for the past coupke days again hi  everybodu . 
ive felt so fucking depressed lately its actually getting relaly bad. ive lost motivation to do most everything  i kinda just force myself through each day at school then go home and lay in bed for the rest of the day . its like worse than it has been for a while ,  i just feel so fucking empty and horrible i kind  of want to end it all yk ? not reallyi dont knpw how to describe it ,  i want to but i know i wont though .i havent been eating really recently either, ive never ate at school  but now im not really eating at home either,. fuck its hard to just do normalshit at this point, ofc my mom is mad at me for it too .  . shes mad  bc i didnt dothe dishes or bc ive been wearing the same clothes for a week now or because ill stay in my room all day .  she knows its bc im depressed but she dont gaf  🤣
my memory has been weird  . too. just yesterday ididnt remember any of my schoolday , i still dont. ive been forgetting majorshit like this and i dont know why.  its scaring me badlty, that and im also constantly onedge.  just like ,, i dont know i m paranoid i guess.
i um cut myself last night too.  almost 8 months clean but  i broke it , im mad at myself for that . reallymad fuck
i still have a few things thoughh that my depresisonh asnt completely ruined for me.  i still find joy occasionally . / i love  my friends, i love  my parttner too osmuch,  one of the best things to happen to me recently .