9:48, Oct 27.

I wish I was born neurotypical, That sounds bad but it's true. I can barely handle a job without being overwhelmed and experiencing the feeling of doom. I can barely get out of my bed half the time, yet people expect me to hold a job normally. It can get so overwhelming, loud, and fast. 

I get so upset so easily, I don't get mad very much but when I do, I get sad for being mad. Then I get mad that I'm sad and it becomes a cycle. I feel everything so much, I feel bad all the time, like I'm gonna get in trouble for something that hasn't even happened yet.  

I get bored in relationships, in my current one i'm not and even when I we are quiet and barely acknowledge each other I enjoy just being around him, but in my old ones I broke up and hurt many people just because I grew bored of being with them or around them, all because I had an idea build in my head and they became my hyper-fixations. 

I was so unbearable, and still am unbearable, to be around sometimes because I talk so much and so fast. I know I do. I talk until I can't breathe anymore, or I'm so quiet I seem uninterested. I talk over people, I don't understand social cues, I ramble on and on about useless things, yet I get mad when people interrupt me and I feel like a hypocrite. 

I have so much anxiety, I overthink a LOT. I understand I wouldn't be who I am without my neurodivergent tendencies but I think I would rather be 'normal' than be constantly over-stimulated or under-stimulated.