a 2nd black flash and I feel a rush of exhilaration

I think I finally did it. Hope im not celebrating to early but I think I'm back,

only took 3 mood swings and a week long suicidal episode but I think I'm finally back.

I really need a way to get out of these situations consistently instead of relying on superstitions and 3am motivation, but who cares, for now I'll ride the wave until I gas out and go right back to mood swings and suicide fantasies.