A conundrum.

Hello all, I haven’t really used this in months it feels like, but I have updates to really tell you all. Me and my girlfriend of 9months broke up and I’ll get more into that, her friends and my friends argued and stuff, a relative of mines passed, and me and my mom aren’t talking as of right now. Today at 11:51 am I am writing this on a Saturday before the clock strikes 12; I feel a lot of mixed emotions. A mix of sadness, disappointment, anger and regret; sadness because I lost someone I feel as tho I truly loved, disappointed in my ex friends and her for not trying to fight for me in the end, anger because she hurt me made me fall for her even tho I was truly petrified of love, and regret a lot of it with no origin of the source. I’m just a complex person I guess; I feel as tho I care about others and no one cares or stops to care about me. It’s tuff to think because I want people to care about me as much as I care about others, but I guess I don’t have that luxury. I’m very hurt I’ve been hurting for a while, but no medication or antidote can fix it, I guess I’ve just been a walking zombie for a while reaching for something I cannot fully grasp. I talk to much or I talk to loud and it just never is enough I guess.. I’m just never enough for anyone to idk. I’ve just been hurting and idk what to do that’s it that’s all.