a little excerpt from a bully fic i was writing earlier this year

this is from the extremely niche ship i made up, petegord (or kowaldome as i named it at the time). i was writing the buildup to this part so no one has reallly seen it but here i am releasing it to the world. hopefully i can find it in me to continue this fic. (more notes at the bottom)

“You know Petey,” Gord said, still using the same fake ass voice. This time, though, it didn’t annoy Petey as much. It was as if spending more time with Gord gave him more of a tolerance to it, like a kitten being manhandled to desensitise it to the world. 

“I never understood why I cared about you so much. At least… from the start..” 

Petey felt a flutter in his chest. Due to his past deceitful experiences with romance, he had always tried to keep his cards close to his chest. Feeling this way after so long felt so wrong.

“I think I do,” Petey mumbled. 

Gord knew how it sounded. He didn’t want to admit how he truly felt about Petey, but when he was around him, the words couldn’t help but flow out of him. Pushing down his anxieties and his past and covering it with intense arrogance and nepotism was how he and many other preps got by. 

Petey could see the rich boy persona Gord had built up around himself start to falter, like he was pushing his hand against a ceramic mask, cracking it slow and soft. 

The only way he ever knew how to love was patiently, carefully. Oftentimes too much so. He felt it was his curse, that it only subjected him to further harassment from cruel people he held much too close to him. To be frank, Gary moved at much too fast a pace for Petey to keep up with, and it was something he beat himself up over daily for years and years, ever since they became friends in elementary school. All Petey ever wanted from Gary was a sign. A sign that his love wasn’t wasted, but reciprocated and appreciated. Try as hard as he might, spend as much time with him as he could, say it as much as he wanted, Petey could never be satisfied with the hot-and-cold way in which Gary expressed his feelings. It felt like living a lie.

i still really lovee how i wrote this it;s lwk beautiful... idk how i feel about the manhandled kitten metaphor even at the time i was iffy abt it lmao. also: new friggin layouutt! gosh making these is hard and i cant decide what images i want but i think this is cool. lmk wat u think

oh and here is my ao3 if u wanna read the first chapter (this isnt from that chapter smh i was writing ahead like crazy)mashimiii on ao3...wow