Ever since I was 9 years old when my papa called me chubby when he picked me up I’ve hated myself. And as the years passed the hates grown worse I hate myself I hate my arms and legs and stomach and thighs and boobs I hate my face and the hair that grows on my arms and hands I’m treated as male even though Im a woman I’m expected to do everything a man can do and more. I’m called the favorite son I don’t mind it I like being the favorite but I wish I was the favorite daughter and because of being treated as a man I thought for a while I was supposed to be male so I was trans for a while then realized that’s not who I am I’m supposed to be a woman and I like being a woman but it’s hard when I hate my body I hate that I’m not pretty or attractive I’m chubby and boxy I have wide shoulders and chubby hands and big thighs. I want to be smaller and pretty but it’s hard when you try to make better choices when your family makes you feel like shit about everything. I’m constantly told I was made to Gods design and I’m beautiful the way I am but I know deep down they just say that so I’ll shut up. I’m sorry to my partners I’m not prettier I don’t understand why you’re with me and not someone else you deserve someone better someone who’s pretty and confident in their body I’m not that. I pray that one day I’ll accept the way I look and I might learn to love myself but for now I just try to get by I try to make changes that will help even if it means hurting myself in the process. You do whatever you can when you’re hurting anything to make yourself feel better.
I’ve met many people online who have seen me and said that I’m “pretty” I never believe them though because I know they’re just being nice and behind the screen they’re disgusted with the person on the other side it’s hard to trust someones words when you’ve been lied to so many times I want to believe them but cant. I’m uncomfortable in pictures or talking to people in real life i hate the summer because I can’t hide under baggy clothes and I’m afraid to make friends because I feel they will judge me for how I look.
So just remember think before you say something to someone about their appearance most of the time they already know.
I’m sorry This is a vent it’s not meant to be pretty I said what I feel and I mean it.
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dumb4ev3r
Hello Nicky please don’t feel this way about your self as nobody is perfect and it doesn’t matter how big and fat you might think you are there’s someone who thinks you’re really not and you’re actually pretty so when someone says your pretty take it as motivation or something to keep you going as many people who claim to be fat do not get many compliments like probably once every year but it doesn’t matter everyone wishes to change so don’t want and make a change no matter how long or how tired you are keep going to make that change if you really want it then you’ll need to work as hard as you can for it. and as for hateful comments it’s only energy to push you through more of the tough things the world is very cruel and we can’t do anything about unless you keep pushing to get away from it hope this helped (^:
Thank you <3
by ✞𝐍𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐲🩵; ; Report