ADHD in retrospect

Sometimes, finding out you have a mental disorder isn't easy. But it was easy to see that I was different from the rest of kids. Looking back, I was a bit contrarian at five. I had told my friends that their games bored me, straight to their faces, and I ran off to join with boys. Luckily for me they had much grace and did not ostracize me or tell me off for it. I only really started seeing major signs when I came to high school, but in retrospect, symptoms were subtle. I was that one child who would always forget a costume on a dress-up day. I was sometimes lost in my own world and got in trouble because of it. But nevertheless, I didn't think much of it.

Let us resume this tale in high school. I began to notice patterns with myself. Essays completed last-minute. Being late to my orthodontist appointment. Forgetting items in my locker. Seeing something in a shop and feeling compelled to buy it with my brain convincing me I could either choose it or lose it. Doing no work during school breaks because my brain felt juiceless. Losing my phone so many times I was convinced "Where's my phone?" was going to be my new catchphrase. Oh, and also walking around the house trying to find said phone. I was privileged enough to get blasted with various mental health resources, including a myriad of posters as well as a compulsory course that educated us on essential components of well-being. The prospect of me having ADHD never dawned on me when I was in elementary. Elementary students are more oriented with having fun, talking with friends about which friend is being annoying and avoiding schoolwork. Well, in my opinion at least.

My third year was the year that cemented the belief in my mind. My grades had taken a heavy hit thanks to almost no preparation for the year and I wanted to break the awful cycle I saw myself in. So, I hit up the counselor. I cannot speak for all counselors and recommend them, but I was blessed to have a counselor who was very understanding to my situation and had ADHD too. Unfortunately, I was at a loss. As it turned out, it was extremely difficult to get a diagnosis at that time. One of my friends who also has ADHD had to take a domestic flight up north because nobody could diagnose her in the region. It took her a full year to get a diagnosis. And to make it a double whammy, to actually get a diagnosis (at least in my area, I believe) without any connections meant visual severity. My friend, bless her heart, can be visibly hyperactive and was a "bad kid" according to some. However, I am the opposite to her. Quietly inattentive, more so appearing as a weirdo daydreamer. My struggles were also not reflected in my grades as well as my focus in class because I love learning new things, which did not help my case.

But now, I am much happier knowing how my mind works. I still struggle at times, but I've learned to manage myself better mainly based on observation and support from the people I care about. I don't really have any wholesome closing words to say, but dang, I am really arbitrary with my writing. Oh, here's some. I don't need people to understand me; the only person who needs to understand me is myself. That's kinda lame but that's the best I got right now. 😌