afterparty

so this is about the swedish rap event that I bloged yesterday

lets start from the begining

I left at 3:30 with a backpack with water, two bananas and a towel, and my swim trunks under my pants because I thought I was going to swim(I didn't :( 

biked like over twenty miles and thought I was going to die (95! degree heat btw!!!)

got there at 7:00  

3:30>7:00= 4 1/2 hour bike ride with majority incline

took a picture with akoge they gave me some water bc I was high key about to fall over

played street fighter on an arcade they had and played against sum of the dudes there

but then something happened

I looked around and saw everyone there talking to eachother and that just made me feel so bad

"Why the fuck am I such a wallflower? i'm sitting away from everyone sweating my ass off at the thought of talking to anyone

why?

because I think I'm not good enough for them?

because I know I'm not good enough?

because all I can think about is my own mental issues?

because I'm writing a preblog at a party/concert"

I think its that last one personally"

I wrote this on my phone by the poolside where no1 was at and was fully preparing to go home feeling like a social outcast and a pos failure

then akoge started rapping and I got out there to watch feeling just a little better

but then they brought out the Coors beer and thinking fuck it I drank 3 and felt progressively happier each time

now I've only drank 2 other times before

once, rum after my friend killed herself

and the other a cocktail on the 4th of july

each time I drank I could swear It didn't do anything but last night I got drunk as shit and was having a great time moshing and shit with everyone, got hit in the face but barely felt it

it was like some love potion type shit

I still didn't talk to anyone but I didn't even care I was just so happy to be there with everyone

I left at 10:30 once they said last song but they had already said that twice so there was prolly one more

so I got on my bike still drunk as hell, almost crashed twice, slept at a church for who knows how long, and got home at 3 am with a headache and an empty stomach

so worth

also some guy gave me a cigarette which was cool