Howdy friends of friendrewind. it has been a while. cutting to the chase: all my friends of many years INSIST on being friends with my abuser and refuse to stop being friends with them. am i in the wrong to be upset about it? okay now more context: they already KNOW what they have done to me and ive have shown them proof and explained of what they did to me and they very clearly know how deeply their abuse affected me, i also debunked all the rumors my abuser spread about me to them and they were shocked… but not shocked enough to really care i guess?
because trust me i am extremely upset that my friends don’t even really condemn their behavior either.. its just radio silence. am i allowed to be upset or am i just being controlling? i genuinely dont know. i’ve been told that “oh it’s just so funny how i’m in the middle of your drama” or “well you’re making me pick sides”. This isn’t drama, this was prolonged 5 year long emotional abuse that literally altered my brain.. like are you just okay with being friends with someone who abused one of your other friends… like do you even LIKE me?? 😭
i’ve really been more quiet about how upset i am, like i’ve kinda said 2 or 3 times at most like “hey this person treated me really poorly and i’m not a big fan of how you still continue to be so close with them.” like they KNOW. It even upsets me more that after i had left my abuser my friends had gotten CLOSER with them after learning what they did to me.
i’ve been grieving for a while, but i think it’s better for my mental healthy to not talk about my experiences online anymore (thus i’ve taken down a lot of my past blogs of me that mention them at all) but seriously i want some advice..
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PhantoFargone
Idk depends on what the abuser did. If EVERYBODY decides to still be friends with them then maybe what they did isn't as bad as you make it out to be 👀
i have considered this possibility like a BUNCH and honestly i’d really love to think my abuser didn’t abuse me and i got this whole thing twisted.. but i have piles of evidence and have.. and cptsd from it 🥲
i also did consider that maybe i didn’t tell my story that well, im still not super comfortable sharing entirely what happened without dissociating or absolutely just sobbing LOL… its not funny.. but i totally understand where you’re coming from. trust me i DONT want this to be true so so bad
by Will !!!!!! :>; ; Report
X
When everyone is acting the opposite of what you expected or against you, you may have a misperception of the severity of the situation or who is really in the right or wrong in the situation.
Turn the other cheek does not mean take more lashings, it actually originates from genuinely trying to see it from the other person's shoes. (You will now have turned 180 degrees and thus have turned the other cheek.)
if i understand what you’re saying, i really have been spending the last few months every single ounce of energy trying to see this situation from everyone’s point of view, like thinking SO HARD. idk i still would love to think my abuser didn’t actually abuse me and that i’m just crazy but i really don’t think so. I have some serious doody cptsd and other issues from what they did
i think this extends more from a place of convenience.. they know and seen and know absolutely what happened but i guess it’s a lot easier to just stay friends rather than decide anything. I mean my abuser is kind to them so why stop being friends??? if i were in their shoes id probably do the same thing. and i feel like maybe i just didnt tell my story well enough?? im not even sure.
by Will !!!!!! :>; ; Report
victorisavampire
i dealt with almost the exact same situation with my sexual harasser a few years ago. dont talk to anyone whos still friends with them. if they actually liked you they'd stick up for you and understand how serious it is. i hope u get better friends cuz thats crazy
Gosh, i hope you’re okay now :(
i really appreciate it, it’s really hard trying to figure out if ur crazy or if ur friends just suck..
by Will !!!!!! :>; ; Report
JulytoSeptember
You SHOULD be upset. Those are not friends, they water down your abuse acting as if its a lighthearted misunderstanding and do not respect your boundaries.
You don't even know what happened though
by PhantoFargone; ; Report
They literally explain what happens in their blog?? Did you not read it? Their 'friends' got closer with their abuser even after they told them what they did, they're obviously not taking it seriously.
by JulytoSeptember; ; Report
Cysper04
Somebody had said it here very well, but yeah you are allowed to be upset.
I think you're better off without your friends as they're pushing you on something that's really messed you up and they're not your friends.
Don't listen to them, it's better you have at least few friends than having them.
They're not after your welfare.
But yeah, I wish you well.
eternalikon
simply put, they are not your friends. don't waste your time trying to mend something that's not worth it or possible -and don't stress about it. if someone was truly your friend, they wouldn't do something they know hurts you, or befriend a person who has hurt you. don't waste any more words, don't even give them a reason, just cut them off (stop talking/interacting with them). they should know why, and if they pretend to be ignorant about it, well, it doesn't matter anymore.