An Ode to Scooby-Doo (2002) And the Cinematic Crime That Is SCOOB!

Oh, bless the year of 2002, When Shaggy screamed and Scooby flew. When monsters lurked and Daphne fought, And Matthew Lillard gave us all we sought.

When Rowan Atkinson graced the screen, And Scrappy-Doo was vile and mean. When spooky castles filled the night, And Velma proved that brains beat might.

Oh, Freddie Prinze! Oh, Sarah Gellar! Your Mystery Gang was truly stellar! With Linda Cardellini, clever and bright, You made our childhood feel just right!

The jokes were crude, the CGI strange, Yet not one thing would I exchange. For every fart and goofy scene, Was purest gold upon the screen.

But then came SCOOB! oh, cursed disgrace! A soulless stain upon this place! A corporate corpse in cartoon skin, With not a shred of charm within!

Who wrote this mess? Who gave the nod? Who looked at SCOOB! and thanked their God? Who took a franchise loved by all, And drove its coffin through a wall?

They ditched our Shaggy's perfect voice, As though the fans had begged that choice! Poor Matthew Lillard, cast aside, While childhood memories curled up and died!

A superhero plot? A flying ship? Did someone suffer from a slip? Where were the ghosts? The spooky halls? The creepy shadows on the walls?

Instead, we got a brand parade, A hollow, shiny masquerade! With jokes that aged before release, And storytelling begging peace!

Oh, SCOOB!, you miserable mistake, A cinematic stomachache! A film so bland, so dull, so dire, I'd rather watch a tyre catch fire!

I'd rather hear old Scrappy shout, For fourteen hours without a doubt! I'd rather Fred explain his traps, While Shaggy takes a thousand naps!

So raise a glass to Spooky Island, Where cinema reached its sacred highland! To awful monsters, glorious cheese, And Shaggy shouting, "LIKE, ZOINKS! JEEZ!"

Long live the cast! Long live the crew! Long live the film of 2002! And may SCOOB! forever be A warning to the industry:

You cannot buy what made us cheer, With polished pixels and a soulless sneer. For heart beats money, and love beats greed, And Matthew Lillard's all we need.

And should they make SCOOB! Part Two, I'll tell you what I'm going to do:

I'll lock the doors, I'll draw the blinds, I'll scrub that thought from human minds. Then watch the live-action films once more, And leave that rubbish on the floor.

For Scooby-Doo deserves a throne, Not corporate slop without a bone!